


I'll Try

by SpiritKitten



Series: Tubbo's dead... I guess [3]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, youtuber
Genre: Accidents, Angst, Bees, Bonding, Childhood Friends, Childhood Trauma, Dadza, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eret Redemption (Video Blogging RPF), Family Bonding, Fluff, Friendship, Gen, Ghosts, Hopeful Ending, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, I swear this is fluffy!, Older Sibling Wilbur Soot, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Child Neglect, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Sleepy Cuddles, Tommy gets embarrassed, Tommy has distanced himself from the others, Tubbo is sad, Tubghost, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, serious conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:48:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 23,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28411905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpiritKitten/pseuds/SpiritKitten
Summary: “Come on Tommy!” Wilbur startles him, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked into his eyes pleadingly. He had wrapped his arms around his chest like he would collapse at any second. “You haven’t been out of this house for months.”Tommy growls, furiously scratching his hands through his hair as he glowers up at him through his bangs.
Relationships: Technoblade & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF) & Everyone, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson, Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Series: Tubbo's dead... I guess [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2079192
Comments: 29
Kudos: 265





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, I am back!
> 
> This was pretty darn fast right! I actually had this finished already, but I wanted to go over one last time- It was pretty nice, I got to review the setting for my next fic I am writing. Anyways if you haven't read the others than you may want to, but I guess you can get by without them? It just might give you context for some scenes.
> 
> As always this is a PLATONIC book and should not be taken as romantic at all. Please respect them and their thoughts on shipping. <3
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did!

Shaking his head at the buzzing insects flying in and out of the window Tommy growls. He leans forward to look at their yellow and black figures, each of them happily suckling gulp's nectar from the soft sunflowers Niki had left out on his window sill. 

_ They were annoying! _

Snorting at their nectar-drunk swaying he swats them away and out into the garden. They could just find the flowers out there and eat! No need for them to go annoying him and his poor _ ears  _ as he tried to desperately not burn the cookies that were baking in the oven behind him. He’s already done it _ three times! _ Three times now. That’s two times too many!

Looking back he frowns as he watches the tiny insects reclaim their price again. Maybe he shouldn’t have left the windows open...

Humming Tommy shrugs, oh well. Not like he can get them out now, not during the day at least.

Signing softly he made his way back to the oven, leaning against the counter softly. He gazes about his house for a second, basking in the warm evening sun for a moment. The soft beams set the room a golden shade, lightening up dust particles in the air. He particularly liked the way it shone against the top of the bumblebees wings. The rainbow effect reminding him of Tubbo’s incessant mumbles.

He was always going on and on about bees and their prettiness. How beautiful and friendly they all were. He had so many random facts about them! It was like he spent all day thinking about them!... he probably did.

Tommy chuckles, shaking his head at the thought. Tubbo was a riot.

Smiling softly Tommy can’t help but let his gaze shift to the table. On it, blocking most of the seats and surface space, where unopened gifts and letters. They had been there ever since Tommy moved into this house a few weeks ago. They were supposed to be housewarming gifts. He’s been meaning to open them, really… but it’s just too much.

Frowning Tommy shakes his head. 

Any time he actually sat down to do it he would bitterly throw them aside and stomp upstairs to bed. He’s just too-... Fuck! Tommy doesn’t even know-

Bitterly pouting he looks away towards the oven for something to distract him with. He should probably just shut them in a closet somewear. Huffing he leans down against the wooden floor he moves the soft wash cloth to look inside. They looked done? He didn’t really know. Niki had mentioned something about them being golden brown or something? Tommy didn’t know, he just wanted cookies!

Pouting Tommy shakes his head. She had said 30 minutes so he set a timer, but- but they looked under done so we just left them in longer… Now here he was, on the third batch already, actually following the recipe Niki had sent him…

… he’s been avoiding them all…

For weeks now they’ve been traveling up the long distance to his house to visit him. Phil even took a break from his building, the thing he would even skip the holidays for, to make sure he was alright. He moved in with Techno and Wilbur, something about supporting his kids… They had tried to get him in on it, but…

Tommy gazed into the hot machine, dead reflection staring back at him.

He couldn’t handle Techno’s hurt eyes and Wilbur’s curling insanity. He couldn’t handle being in the same room with them, not after having to live all alone with them for months in harsh conditions. He couldn’t handle being reminded of that- that _sickening_ place any longer. He couldn’t handle sleeping next to- to _him_ \- **_him_** after the incident.

Tommy leans back, trying to ignore the dark bags under his eyes, getting to his feet and staring out the window. He can’t help but frown weakly into his hand, eyes gazing out warmly at the rolling hills in front of his house. Smiling dancing between the soft clouds dotting the air and the birds chipping calmly around him.

Sighing softly, feeling his shoulders relax again, he lets his gaze shift over to the side yard. To the stony path leading up to the grave buried under an oak tree. It was the only one there, sat alone by itself away from the rest of the trees behind his house. The swarming beehive accenting it’s dark colors with bright yellows.

The grave, just like Tommy’s table, had been splattered with old presents and flowers. Although this time Tommy had actually opened them, just for Tubbo’s sake. The good flowers had been planted securely into the ground next to it so that the bees could use them. The brightly colored material had been thrown away, leaving behind each and every object that had been placed there. 

A soft blanket from Erit sat bunched up around the grave itself. A little wrinkled where Tommy had used it to sleep in a couple of nights ago, it was something about Tubbo hating the cold. A few coins from Dream, he said it would help him pass over to the next world… or something like that? A few stuffed animals that Tommy have been having a hard time washing and keeping clean, they were from Bad, Skeppy, Quackity and a few others. There were even some pictures of them all together at different points in their lives.

All together it was a cool site, a place that Tommy liked to sit and just vegetate for awhile.

Smiling Tommy wipes his eyes before looking up at the buzzing beehive. He couldn’t help but frown. He had spent the entire day yesterday learning how to collect honey! He can still feel the place where all the bees had stung him, hear the angry buzzes as he tried to smog them all up.

It had  _ not _ been fun. Although he could help but laugh a little, smiling at the memory.

He was glad he put it up, the beehive that is. It had been hell, gathering them all up and somehow getting them to stay in the box without any knowledge of how to do so. But he had eventually made it work, tying the box up precariously above the grave to give Tubbo some company when Tommy had to go away or had to lock him out of the house.

Although, Tommy regards it bitterly, the bees have been getting  _ everywhere. _

He watches as one flies directly into one of the walls by the window, happily flying about as it daintily makes its way back to the hive. Tommy skews his mouth, at least it gives him honey.... He takes a moment to look at the bottles on bottles of thick liquid stacked on his fridge, half covered by house plants and jars.

Sighing tiredly Tommy slumps over the counter. He lets his eyes fall shut while the sweet smell of flowers and sugary cookies fill his nose. He hums pleasantly, feeling content rolling down his back as he relaxes into the counter. He couldn’t help but feel all warm and happy, wind softly ruffling his hair through the open window.

It’s been three months. Three tiring, hopeless months, since the _ incident _ happened as the others call it. Since Tommy had se- He swallowed thickly, throat tightening- seen his best friend die in his hands. Since his _ blood _ swallowed him whole and burned a hole into his heart so deep that Tommy didn’t think  _ anything _ could ever fill it.

“ _ Ooooo! _ ” Tommy jumps up from where he was leaned over, eyes widening as he glares at his best friend. He was leaning through the window by the sink, eyes shining in happiness, “That smells good!

Grinning Tommy glared at him, eyes softening every second that was going by as Tubbo stared wonderingly at the stove. He was always going on and on about missing the taste of food, the ability to actually touch and move things.

Smiling Tommy shakes his head, wishing he could at least try a cookie one last time...

“Just don’t burn it this time.” Tubbo sticks his tongue out at him, grin plastering to his face as he stares at Tommy in amusement. 

Raising an eyebrow, Tommy’s grin dropped, any thought about wishes leaving his head as he stared over at the sarcastic friends. That bitch! How dare he, when he was the one who kept distracting him in the first place!

“Ugh! Fuck off!” Tommy jolts forward to push his squeaking friend out the window, amusement dropping from his tongue in a laugh. Unfortunately Tubbo dodges just in time with a playful scream and runs away, looking back with a fake pout. “That was one time!”

He ignored the overwhelming fact that it  _ wasn’t _ , but he didn’t care! That bitch was making fun of him!

Growling with glee Tommy almost flies out the window himself, already having his leg up on the counter to propel him out of it, when he hears the high pitched screech. Turning, sweat rolling off his head, he almost falls scrabbling down to get to the stove in a hurry.

“Fuck!” He hits his head against the cabinets as he pulls a towels off a tiny rack. Leaning back, frowning as he rubs his head angrily he opens the door. He melts at the scent, sweet sugar rushing up his nose and making his mouth water.

Swallowing he carefully reaches in, making sure to fold over the cloth a few times. He _ didn’t _ want a repeat of the last time when he had burned his entire hand in front of Tubbo. It had  _ not _ been a good night, especially with all the screaming going on.

Licking his lips he pulled the pan out and carefully set the pan down on the counter near the window. The sink, cleaned and wiped down from doing the dishes earlier, leaked softly as he pulled each and every cookie off the pan to cool against the racks already set out. Their soft creamy sides melting into the rack softly. 

They weren’t golden brown like Niki said they should be, but Tommy didn’t care. He wasn’t too worried, they looked fine and he didn’t want to make a new patch all over again.

Tommy hummed gleefully, _ real _ cookies. Actual homemade cookies that he had made himself! That was amazing! He’ll be a master chief at this rate, if says so himself!

Smiling he looks up, eyes crinkling at the sight of Tubbo screaming gleefully as a couple of bees followed him around and danced with him. They always have for some reason. Tommy had found it creepy at first, how the wind and element, how the animals, somehow knew that Tubbo's was there even though no one else did. But, just like everything else, he had come to accept it.

Smirking Tommy shakes his head, leaning against the counter. Laughing along with Tubbo’s happy giggles he gazes about the pictures on the wall, letting the cookies cool off.

The walls, which had been bare until Phil had finally come to visit, were lined with colorful splotches of paint and pictures. Several of them were of him and his family, Techno smiling naturally as Phil and Wilbur gleefully smiled at the camera as Tommy somehow glared or grinned with them.

Others were of his friends or pets. 

Tommy smiled at one of Dream softly cuddling him and Tubbo on a cold day with the river in the background. Tommy remembers that day, it had been  _ so  _ cold and yet Wilbur had wanted to _ fish.  _ Thankfully Dream had seen them and brought a couple of blankets out for them to lay in while Wilbur went on and on about river fishing.

Another one was of Quackity and Schlatt smirking at the camera as Tommy and Tubbo burned a forest down in the background. Wilbur had been so mad at them, it was just the first part of their roleplay so it wasn’t bad, but he had still been seething. Techno had just smirked, laughing softly as he planted potatoes and sharpened his sword.

The one next to that was just him and his friends laughing and smiling. 

Each and every one of them was met with a sad smile, wishing that he had spent more time on them instead of politics…

Blinking softly Tommy shook his head, he learned not to focus on the past. Only death and hate lay there, instead he turned back towards the window. Smiling at Tubbo tripping over his own feet and he tried to parkour over some rocks. Leaning forward he grabs some cookies off the rack. He winced slightly when they burned into his fingers, but quickly let out a breath of air as they cooled against his skin. The soft smelling rising up from them making up for the pain. 

Taking one last small glance at the wall and the present with a sad grin he makes his way to his door. It, too, was open letting small bees and dust through the door as the wind softly blew through it.

Exiting Tommy takes a moment to gaze out at the land. The golden light from the evening sun setting the grass ablaze with rays, the clouds dotting the sky hued with pink and orange. It was overall a pretty beautiful day, one that Tommy wanted to enjoy outside. Even the birds agreed, filling the air with soft chirps and bird calls as they fly around happily.

Tubbo caught his gaze, waving at him from where he was dancing in between the floor in the side yard. Bees flocked to his hair, confusingly buzzing when they can’t land there. A large smile plastered to his face, blue eyes gleaming happily. As quickly as he was there he was gone the next, rummaging through the long grass and weaving in between the trees.

Tommy looked to the flowers, their delicate petals dancing in the winds.

He had planted them there three or four weeks before, when they had barely started building the house. He knew he wanted to add bees and he had to have flowers for that. He started early and was greeted with new spring blossoms a few days ago. Thankfully having enough to support the bees flying about them.

Walking down the rocky path Tommy heads towards Tubbo’s grave, ignoring the said man’s call for him to join him in running. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes. It seems like he had endless energy after he died, always jumping and running. Even at _ night _ . 

He couldn’t help but think about how he was acting like how he did when he first met. All gleeful laughs and toothy smiles. None of that heartache and hurt marring his face from before. No, Tommy smiled, just the regular old Tubbo from  _ before _ the war.

He knew how ironic it was. Death was meant to bring mourning and sadness, but all it seemed to bring Tubbo was relief. Relief and content from all the shit his friends, from Tommy, were doing to him. Now that he was dead, now that no one could stop him from doing whatever he wanted, he was so fucking happy.

And Tommy was glad,  _ glad for it all _ .

Stopping before the grave Tommy hummed. He looked back, gazing at the house behind him. The light pink walls matching cheerfully with the sky as yellow window sills and accents sleepily winked at him. It was an odd color scheme, one that even Phil had blinked bewilderingly at, but Tubbo had chosen it.

It… actually went well together, somehow.

Although, Tommy chuckles, it had been hard to explain to all his friends why he chose it without revealing why. Thankfully they didn’t question it too much, just confusedly stared at him while they mixed the paint. They had been so focused on not upsetting him, walking on eggshells, to be to focus on his weird ideas and thoughts. They probably just thought it was some weird coping mechanism.

Shrugging Tommy leaned down to carefully lean up against the grave. Either way he likes it.

Philza had been the one to actually help him with it. The others, even with their carefulness, had disagreed with him moving out here all alone. 

When Tubbo had been first buried out here everyone had silently agreed to stay away for a while. No one dared to build or cut anything down near it, but had eventually gone to visit after a while. When Tommy, after a couple of weeks had passed, decided to live here they had all popped out of nowhere to try and dissuade him.

They told him that it would be stupid, that he’d get lonely and no one would be there except for his thoughts. They told him that he would just get depressed and eventually come back anyways. They refused to help, trying to persuade him to live closer. Tommy just cussed at them and told them to fuck off.

Eventually, after camping and gathering recourse for a few days, Philza had came up the hill a soft understanding look in his eyes. He had just begun helping him without any other thought, even corralling a few others to join in too.

He had remembered them arguing for days, almost chasing him away with it all. But one day, after Tommy had gone to bed in his little tent, Philza had screamed his head off all night long about not distancing themselves from Tommy. About supporting and keeping Tommy safe. He kept going on and on about how they shouldn’t be angry with him for wanting to move and get away from everything.

… and, the next morning, they all swept in about him cheerfully. Nothing said about the night as they poured gift after gift into his lap…

It.. It had been great. If only they didn’t decide to come up to his house every three or four days to visit.

Smiling Tommy shook his head. He could always count on his dad, no matter what.

Humming softly to himself Tommy smirked when Tubbo came running out of the woods, eyes wild and full of joy. A pack of bees followed his whim, happily buzzing after him. He trips over his own feet, falling onto his face as he lets out a laugh. He gets up, not even phased as the pack swarms him. Tubbo once told him it felt like a bunch of kisses, told him that he should try and get them to do it to him too.

Tommy didn’t really know about that  _ though _ … It seemed like they might sting him instead.

Shaking his head Tommy carefully turns to set two cookies on top of the grave stones, grimacing sourly when a few bees take the opportunity to suck the sweetness from it. He barks out laughter when Tubbo suddenly throws himself in front of him, eyes glued to the cookie as he inhaled deeply.

He takes a deep breath too, enjoying the scent as a few bees dance onto him. He used to get scared by them, fearing their stings, but eventually got used to it. They landed and fell off his head, playfully bumping into his face.

He smiles, leaning back as he sleepily stares into the distance. Tubbo settled at his side, leaning into him as Tommy curled the blanket around them. He didn’t bother eating the cookie, knowing that the bees have already taken control of them. Instead he set them off to the side to distract them.

He gazed at the horizon, listening to Tubbo's’ soft hums of a song that he didn’t know. He could barely just see the top of Erit’s castle, hidden behind the hills and clouds. He liked it that way, not having to worry about knowing what they were doing, what was happening over there. He rather liked having his own land to preside over, not having anyone to command or order him around. He liked being here, alone.

Or, as alone as you can get with your dead ghost friend following you around all the time. Not that he minded that is, it was just a little  _ weird. _

Sighing Tommy leans his head back against the grace, lips quirked up. Tubbo copied him, gazing at the clouds softly. He can feel Tubbo's soft hums turning into a murmur, citing lyrics. Then his head shifted again, looking at the cookies happily.

They were more of a peace offering than an actual thing to eat. The first time Tommy had decided to eat out here Tubbo had kept complaining about him not sharing and being greedy, even though he couldn’t eat it. He had just kept going on and on about it, the others' voice getting stuck in his head even as Tommy went to sleep.

He can still feel the way his head was pulsing at the headache it gave him. 

Smirking Tommy couldn’t help but laugh at the memory. It had been a pain at first, but now it felt more funny. It’s just another thing he added to his long list of odd things he’s been doing since he moved out here. 

Ignoring Tubbo’s questioning look he shook his head. He wouldn’t get it anyways. Instead he shifted further into the grave, getting more comfortable. He set his gaze to the setting sun, blinking sleepily at it…. 

…Maybe it’s time for a nap...

“You know, we spend too much time here.” Tommy looks over in surprise while Tubbo breaks his thought with a thoughtful pout on his lips.

“I thought you liked it out here?” Shaking his head Tommy frowns, he can feel the start of another fight coming on. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes, Tubbo was always going on and on about getting out more.

“Well,” He draws it out, eyes glued to Tommy’s face, “Yeah. But-” 

Tubbo shrugs, shoulder dropping as he looks to the ground. His eyes were swirling with un-worded emotions. He trailed his fingers in the dirt for a few seconds, thinking softly. Not liking the tense air Tommy hums softly, blinking when Tubbo furrows his eyes and looks back up at him sadly.

“I just miss the others, Y’know.”

Tommy laughs harshly, not at him but at the thought. Tubbo could visit them any time he wanted too, he could go now for fucks sake! He only wanted Tommy there so he could listen to their awuful pleas for him to go back.

A bitter grin raised to his face, “They visit _ enough _ .”

“Yeah, but we _ never _ visit them!” He sighs, eyes focused on the ground again as he leans over his knees. Tommy frowns down at him, shuffling the blanket to at least hide Tubbo’s anxious form, knowing the man and his behavior. He always got himself worked up with these things, not that Tommy could blame him though. He just wished he didn't get so depressed, they’ve been over it before. Tubbo could go out and visit them if he wants too! Tommy himself just wanted to avoid them at all costs at the moment...

“Why would we,” He growls out, pulling up some grass around them in large clumps. He only stops when Tubbo knocks into his shoulder, a glare in his eyes. “It’s not like we have a reason. And it’s hard when I’m trying to hide this-”

Tommy frowns as he gestures between them, only to huff when the blanket crumbles by the movement and collapses into Tubbo. Grumbling he readjust it back up, ignoring Tubbo’s silent form.

“You're just afraid you're gonna start another fight.”

Eyes widening Tommy leans. “What, No!” It comes out high pitched and indignant. A blush scrawling across his face as he huffed and glared over at him.

Tubbo knew how he felt, how he was around the others ever since Tubbo was murdered. Tubbo himself told Tommy not to blame them, and yet… Tommy just didn’t know, he just didn’t forgive them. No matter how many times Tubbo explained and showed him that he didn’t care, that he forgave them, Tommy couldn’t accept that. He couldn’t get the blood, the fucking gore out of his head.

He had to __ _cradle_ Tubbo in his arms, had to fucking watch him die because of- of some fucking game! A stupid _ fucking _ game!

Tommy knows… He knows _ okay _ . He’s seen Techno and Wilbur after the event. He’s watched Schlatt cry and Techno wallow in grief and shame. He’s watched it all and he knows he should- He knows okay! He knows he should forgive them all but-... But- god, he _ can’t _ ….

“I already told you Tommy.” Tubbo pouts at him, eyes swimming in a desperate need to be heard. His fingers wrapped around the edge of the blanket tightly, ignoring the way they just passed through it’s layers. “I already forgave Techno for killing me-”

Tommy flinches back, Techno’s sleep deprived face dawning in his mind. His shaking form in the middle of the night, Phil sitting by his side every night trying to read him to sleep like they used to when they were babies.... The way Philza had to interpret every action and thought coming from his head because he couldn’t speak for weeks after his psychotic meltdown.

“-He was shaking and kept having nightmares. And it’s not like I can talk to everyone to say this!”

“How would I change that!” Tommy rolls his eyes, looking away from Tubbo. Watching the setting sun, less pleased about the day than before. “And _ I  _ haven’t forgiven him…”

He can feel Tubbo's gaze on him, burrowing into his flesh as he tries to ignore him. He knows Tubbo’s… He knows that Tubbo is having a hard time with death, no matter how much he tries to hide it. Tommy watched him day in and day out, death or not, and he  _ knows _ him. Just like he knows Tommy.

He can see it in the way Tubbo moves, in the way he just stands still sometimes and watches everything move. Tubbo feels something,  _ something _ that Tommy didn’t know. And he hates it, he knows he forgives Techno and everyone else but he doesn’t know  _ anything _ else. He  _ hates _ it and he can’t figure him out.

Tommy frowns at the ground, shifting slightly to draw circles in the dirt. He can’t help but look over when Tubbo takes a deep breath. His eyes were focused on the horizon. Face full of that something that Tommy didn’t know. Sparking in his eyes and dripping in his form.

It made something inside Tommy shrivel up, crying for someone,  _ anything _ , to fix it. That was his bestfriends,  _ his _ bestfriend in the whole wide world and he looked so fucking somber. SO fucking dead inside it fucking hurt!

And then, in a single moment that look was gone, replaced by a happy smile. “Oh hey!” He perks up and hits Tommy in the shoulder, waving frantically at the hills. “Look! Someone’s here!”

Blinking Tommy shakes his head with a sigh.  _ Again? _ He can already feel the dread filling up his heart, eating at his sore limbs, as he grumbles. They’ve already been over twice this week, how many more times do they need!?

Taking a slow breath Tommy shakes his head at Tubbo’s quick movements of glee and stands to his feet to get a better view.

Letting the blanket fall to his feet he watches Tubbo dances in front of him to mockingly point and yell over at the small figures tirelessly moving between the tall grass. From what he could see Tommy believed them to be Wilbur and the rest of ex-L'Manberg. There may have been a few others but Tubbo suddenly interrupted.

“Oh!” His excited giggles resolve some of the tension building up in his body. He can’t help but let a small smile form on his face as Tubbo squeaks in delight and begins dancing between the rows of un-uniformed flowers in the yard. “Multiple! Come on, come on! Tommy, they’re waiting!”

Taking one last glance to the horizon, taking a serene breath as the sun caught his eye for a second, before following Tubbo further into the yard. No reason to ruin Tubbo’s day further by pouting and refusing to play along.

Coughing through a laugh as Tubbo trips over a stick,  _ yet again! _ , he steps over a few himself. He could see him gearing up for another run, energy practically pulsing off of him in waves. He couldn’t help but grin, feeling it affect him too. It was infectious, he couldn’t help it!

He hoped none of the others thought it was weird, him just grinding at nothing. Not that they could really see given the fact that they were maybe half a mile away...

He blinked, surprised, when Tubbo suddenly ran back,  _ scaring _ him, and wrapping an arm around his elbow. He’s suddenly pulled, laughing as Tommy tripped and had to drag himself back to keep up. He watched, in horror, as Tubbo dragged him further down the hill towards the others. A mischievous grin plastered to his face.

He couldn’t help but frown. Tubbo could mess around with bees and leaves, basic level ghost stuff, but for some god damn reason he could mess with Tommy as much as he wanted to. And the bitch boy used it for everything! Every single thing, not that he blamed him though. Given the fact that Tommy was the only actual thing he could control that mattered…

Shaking his head of the thoughts Tommy grinned over at him. Taking in the moment, ignoring the ever dawning doom as the faces grew closer in his field of view.

He looked away for a second, admiring the darkening sky, only to look back suddenly when Tubbo launched himself off of him and dashed towards the others. He stood still, grinning as Tubbo danced between their ignorant bodies. He jumped above their heads, making silly faces and weird gestures as they slowly made their way up to him.

He could see their confused faces, although several of them looked slightly baffled or happy at his otherwise unknown actions. He could feel the burdening conversations coming on, the hopefull looks and wondering eyes.

But- Tommy grinned down at his best friend's happy form- He ignored it in favor of memorizing the moment He pressed the thought to the very back of his head, cussing them out for trying to ruin such a wonderful moment.

Watching Tubbo look up and wave at him Tommy couldn’t help but wave back, only realizing a split second later that the others couldn’t see Tubbo. He watched, slightly embarrassed, as the others stopped and started up at him in amazement. Grins fell onto their faces and happy gleeful words fell from their soundless mouths as several of them waved back.

Tommy can’t help but laugh nervously, something stirring in his chest.

Okay… So maybe he has been a little antisocial lately.. and he hasn’t really been all that friendly either… But could you blame him! He watched them kill whatever little childhood he had left and then watched them kill his best friend. Of course he’s going to be a little _ distant. _ ..

Sighing slightly Tommy leans onto one foot with a grumble. Bitterly watching them, wincing at their happy faces full of delight to see him.

Maybe he’ll be a little more..  _ Nice  _ today. That sounds okay, it couldn’t be too hard. He should probably start being a little more friendly so that Tubbo does have someone else to watch for awhile. It does kind of get lonely up here, and Tubbo definitely deserved the best even if Tommy didn’t want it.

He takes a second to look down at them. Wilbur had started racing up the hill, a smile on his face. Tubbo was racing after him, ignoring the ever looming failure due to his shorter legs. Although he has picked up some speed due to his ghostly nature, he never knew wind did so much to stop you.

Taking one last second to just see them he turns back towards the house. Watching the bumble bees and sun shine in through the windows as he made a quick trip up the path and through the doors. No need to wait outside for them.

_ He’s got to hide his newly baked cookies anyway! _

* * *

Tommy grumbled to himself, running a hand through his hair tiredly as he glared at the table. He couldn’t help but kick the other chairs beside him, taking solace in the thump thump thump of it hitting. The only solace he had was when Wilbur was staring down at him from where he was leaning up against the counters.

He stared out of the window, concern and frustration flickering through his eyes as he absently stared at Niki in the garden. 

The presents had been moved shortly to the closet. Everyone had stared at them for a good few minutes, silently. Then, after some weird greetings Wilbur moved to the counters while everyone shuffled out with fake conversations about how lovely the day was. Tubbo, of course, had infuriatingly stuck around to watch. Tommy had tried gesturing for him to leave, angrily grumbling at him behind Wilbur's back, but the other just ignored him.

They’ve been talking for an hour now. Something about responsibility as a brother and how they all missed him. Wilbur had started off by telling him how lovely he was and then immediately jumped into telling him to move back into town. Tommy, of course, had disagreed to Tubbo’s annoyance.

“Come on Tommy!” Wilbur startles him, furrowing his eyebrows as he looked into his eyes pleadingly. He had wrapped his arms around his chest like he would collapse at any second. “You haven’t been out of this house for months.”

Tommy growls, furiously scratching his hands through his hair as he glowers up at him through his bangs. Pouting at Tubbo through a side glance, who only nodded and raised his eyebrows in agreement, he shakes his head. That fucking bitch and his need to interfere…

“I don’t know Wilbur.” Tommy says irritably from where he was slouched, ignoring Tubbo's quirked eyebrow. 

Looking around, energy bubbling beneath his skin from sitting for too long, he quickly hops out of his chair. Swiftly turning towards the sunflowers, turning away from both his brother and bestfriend, he picks at their thick stems and delicate leaves. Ignoring a buzzing bee as it pollinated the flowers he was playing with. He honestly didn’t want to see either of their faces at the moment,  _ couldn’t _ look them straight in the eyes as he fumbled tiredly.

He looked out into the backyard, barely able to see with all of the brambles and weird vine-y thingies that Tubbo liked. It was dark too, but he knew the others were playing outside. He could hear Quackity and Fundy laughing at Dream and George joking about the bees. Something about the birds and the bees, he kind of hoped Tubbo didn’t hear. He probably would take offense to someone misusing the term of his precious bees…

Shaking his head he listened for a second, desperately trying to find a way to avoid the conversation happening. He hummed quietly, hearing Philza and Niki talking about the roses Tommy had planted a few days ago as he closed his eyes. They had taken forever to get started and it was taking so much to make them stay that way. He honestly didn’t know how Philza did it for like 6 different places at his house.

Erit and Sapnap were apparently laughing about the dummy Tommy left out yesterday? He couldn’t tell. They were talking about dummies and smashing things, that’s all he knew. He was assuming that it was about the dummy he was practicing sword fighting with. Even though he wasn’t planning on fighting anyone anytime soon, he definitely didn’t want to lose his skill just in case he had too. But… knowing them it could really be about anything...

“Why not.” Wilbur grumbles, pulling Tommy away from his distraction, bringing him right back into the dread and angry from before. It didn’t help that he sounded so disheartened and angry with him, making the hole in his chest cave in even more. “You’ve been avoiding us, Tommy. You haven’t even came by the town to see what everyone's up to like you usually do.”

Tommy grumbled, messing with the flowers for one more second, before turning back towards the two. He couldn’t help but glare up at him, mouth pressed in a tight line as he swallowed tightly.

The town was established by Dream a couple of months ago when Tommy had left to live here. Everyone, under his orders, had taken down all the signs and houses pertaining towards the wars. Even the little courthouse to Tubbo’s displeasure. All of it and then some.

Then, as if realizing that everyone was still distraught and upset with each other, Dream had forced everyone to build up roads and highways together. For the first month and a half that Tommy had been living here he had to deal with them coming over to complain and bitch about it all. Then, one day, Wilbur and the others had excitedly exclaimed that they were building houses and market places and all that good stuff.

They had somehow gotten very excited about living together, very excited. Tommy kind of wished they would go back to complaining about it all. Either way they decided that it was good living together in a community like that, even had some more people move in…

It was good… good for them, Tommy was really happy for them Y’know… He just wished that they stopped trying to get him to move.

Maybe that’s why he hasn’t visited yet. It’s not like he hasn’t seen it. Wilbur and the others keep bringing back pictures and maps of the place, happily showing him their achievements and plans. Hell, Wilbur was even trying to get Dream to allow him to make another festival for it. Tommy had winced at that, bad memories, Dream probably thought so too given the fact that he hasn’t approved of it yet…

Tommy doesn’t blame him though. Before the event he had been lax and cool with anything, now though… Now he was more strict and level headed. He’s taken over as being their ruler, god?... Technically he was their god but Tommy didn’t really give a shit, neither does Dream. He’s made rules and makes sure people follow them but he doesn’t force them to do anything more. Makes people come together but listens and helps others too.

He’s just.. Dream.

Tommy can’t take him seriously when he’s always making mom jokes and crying at Tubbos grave. He’s only ever seen it once, at the funeral, but Tubbo tells Tommy about how Dream always pops up in the middle of the night to sob over him and tell him jokes or apologize about not being able to save him. 

Dream invited him over when all the houses were done, apparently everyone got together to design him a house too. He wanted him to see it but when he refused Dream had taken the answer.  _ Unlike everyone else… _

Tommy looked off to the side, furrowing his eyebrows as he gazed into the floor boards with a glare. Shrugging at Wilbur he shakes his head, silently declining the request. He can't help but wince when Wilbur tensed up and sighed sorrowfully. 

Tommy swallowed, avoiding his sad gaze. He couldn’t help it, the whole not talking thing… It’s been happening a lot here lately. The inability to speak, to yell or shout at people like he used to. He used to be so happy, so exuberant as Tubbo says, but now- Now he was just  _ silent. _

“Tommy!” Tubbo cried, shaking furiously where he was sat on the counter. Taking his attention again, “Come on, man! It’s not that hard! I want to go to and I want to see everything. I can’t do that without you man!”

Tommy scowls, staring disgruntledly at Tubbo. He can’t go without him!  _ He _ can’t go without him. They’ve been over it so many goddamn times! Tommy doesn’t care if he goes out and visits them! Tubbo can go do whatever he wants, Tommy just doesn’t want to go!

Wilbur coughs awkwardly, eyes glancing between Tommy and the counter with confusion. Tommy couldn't help but swallow, eyes widening as he looked away nervously. Why did Wilbur have to be here, right now!? This is what he was worried about, he can’t go a minute without looking crazy.

Letting out a sigh Tommy glances back up at the kitchen. Tubbo was staring at him, eyes distant as he frowned silently. He looked… empty, like nothing was in him..

Wilbur was still staring at him, watching closely as he shifted his weight to one side. Tommy winced, blearily blinking at the dark windows in the room. He didn’t want to deal with this, he couldn’t deal with this right now. Not that look, not that face. He knew Wilbur, knew what he was thinking…

Taking one last look at Tubbo and his empty form Tommy half whispered, hoping Wilbur wouldn’t actually hear. “What are you guys going to do?” 

Wilbur blinks, pure shock on his face before he lets out a yell of happiness, “Yes! Hell Yeah!”

Tommy curls into himself, dread filling up his gut as he grinded his teeth together. See! This, this shit right here, is what he was trying to avoid. He doesn’t want to deal with any of this when his best friend was sitting there,  _ dead _ . He didn’t need everyone to be so fucking excited, didn’t need to deal with how happy they were to see him when they shouldn’t be.

He watches Wilbur stutter in his laughter, catching his eye. He laughs nervously, hesitantly chuckling as he looked away. Tommy could practically see the sweat rolling off his head. Tubbo was happily kicking his legs and grinning, hands pulled up into a silent thumbs up.

“S-Sorry!” He scratches and fluffs up his hair, that old spark lightened in his eyes as he smiled down at Tommy. “It’s jus- Y’know what! Never mind!”

Tommy stares up at him, mouth pressed into a flat frown as he leaned back against the wall. Wilbur laughed, the spark in his eye flaring for a second before it simmered down a little bit. He could still see it, but now it was calmer. Tommy gazed down at the floor, something sad emerging from his chest and swallowing up his throat.

“We’re going to go swim tomorrow and wanted to invite you, but-” Wilbur fakes a laugh, all broken and empty. He could practically smell the nervousness in his voice. He looks down at him with hope, eyes carefully shining. “We- We were going to go to a party at Erits after this and…”

Tommy's eyes widened as he watched Wilbur trail off, the soft light from the moon lighting up his face as he leaned up against the counter and looked out the window. He didn’t look nervous this time… he looked… Tommy didn’t know. He _ didn’t _ know. 

He couldn’t help but swallow, eyes darting to Tubbo for a second before looking back. Wilbur sighed, eyes half lidded as he frowned silently. He wasn't even trying to pretend to be happy, he was just- just-  _ Tommy didn’t know _ . Shaking his head Tommy shuddered, he always knew. Since the first time they started up their country he always knew what Wilbur was thinking, what he was doing!

Tommy furrowed his eyebrows, head trailing over to Tubbo again for help. He can’t help but blink in shock when he finds him gleefully singing a song of pure yeses and happy sounds. His hands were still raised up into thumbs and was frantically nodding his head up and down. He didn’t even pause when his eyes fell onto Tommy’s, just grinned even further and yelled excitedly.

Tommy frowned at him, eyes squishing up disgruntledly. Wilbur was sad, or well whatever he was, and Tubbo knew how to make him happy. Yeah, yeah, he got the fucking hint…

Rolling his eyes, Tommy shifted to stand next to his brother, bare feet softly padding on the tiled floor. He tugs on his trench coat, taking a short breath of air as Wilbur turned to look at him silently. His eyes widened for a millisecond, the spark flickering in his pupils, before he let them fall again.

He couldn’t help but smile, ducking his head sheepishly as he nodded, hand still held tightly in his jacket. He could feel Wilbur tense up and relax, body moving jittery underneath him. Then, just as Tommy was beginning to regret his statement, Wilbur scooped him up into a tight hug. Tommy sighed tiredly as Wilbur squeezed him tightly, practically picking him up with the movements. 

Wilbur let out a breath of air, fluttering Tommy’s hair as he took in a breath of relief. “Oh Thank God!”

He started to rock them, moving back and forth absently as he mumbled incoherently into his hair. Tommy could vaguely hear people excitedly screaming and laughing outside. Bangs and rapid footsteps pacing outside the windows. Those fuckers must have been listening in…  _ ugh _ …

Making a weird sound Tommy tipped his head slightly to the side, ignoring Wilbur's humming as he sighed at Tubbo. He was up and about, dancing on his feet as he grinned and bounced. He barely even looked at the two of them, instead happily buzzing around with the bees still flying in through the windows. 

He can’t help but flip him off, behind Wilbur's back of course. Ignoring the quiet murmurs of relief Wilbur was mumbling into his hair as he rocked them slightly as people yelled and cheered in the background he can’t help but smile a little…

Just a little. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh, hello? I am back. I took a break and ow I am back with this! It's gonna have one last chapter and then, but I'll post that when I'm done with it. Now we deal with Techno!
> 
> Also sorry if it's a little messed up with grammar, I literally just finished this and wanted to post it so I wouldn't have to worry about it. I have a huge test tomorrow so...

Slipping off his red sneakers Tommy let them fall haphazardly onto the floor, each dull thunk doing nothing to the roar of music and distorted sounds from the living room. Each excited cheer and loud thump made him want to run away just a little more.

It’s been a long time since he’s been in such a loud place… maybe a year? Tommy knew it had to be at least a year because the last time he had been to a party was before the election, and that was almost an entire year ago. It was… overwhelming to say the least. All the sounds and lights burned into his eyes and ears, eating away at his nerves like frosted cake at a kindergartens birthday party…. Or a normal, not celebrating him coming back to town, party.

Sighing tiredly Tommy leaned back to hang up his coat on the hanger next to Erets door. It’s bright red colors marking it differently to every other coat hung up or left sprawled out on the floor next to the various shoes and flip flops tossed onto the floor. He couldn’t help but run his fingers over the soft edges, the wind breaker material making a scratchy sound as it caught the edge of his finger nail.

It had been from Phil. He gave it to him after Tommy had mentioned that his old one had been burned during the exile, and how cold it was up by Tubbo’s grave. It was… a rather nice coat…

“Tommy!” Wilbur’s excited cheer called to him from the kitchen, voice light and happy as others joined in to yell for him. “You here bud!? Hurry up, It’s almost time for the cake!”

Huffing Tommy rolled his eyes. Couldn’t they just give him a few minutes.

“Well?” Tubbo bounced excitedly, eyes flaming with glee as he glanced around the place, “Aren’t you going to go!? We need to explore!”

Tommy hummed, a smile breaking across his face as he watched his friend. “Yeah, Yeah.”

Looking into the hallway toward the living room Tommy sighs discouragedly. He needed to walk down it to get to the kitchen… _but_ , there were so many sounds and people. Tommy didn’t even know if he could count them all, there were certainly more people there than what he usually saw during parties here. Dream must have invited more people to live here… invited more _unknown_ people. People that Tommy didn’t want to meet or get to know, people who might ask unfortunate questions that he couldn’t handle.

Grumbling to himself Tommy turned back towards the door, it’s see through windows so very tempting. If it wasn’t for the bouncing friend next to him Tommy would have already bailed, but… Gazing down at Tubbo, Tommy grinned. He wouldn’t do that to him, not after just getting here. He can somehow convince the others to leave after Tubbo got his fill of wander about and checking out what the others have built.

For now he’ll just have to take a moment for himself before jumping into the frying pan. Who knows what’ll happen tonight, god knows it’ll probably be bad.

“You can go see everything you know?” Tommy tried, watching Tubbo gaze out at the crowd longingly. “I’ll just be hanging out down here if you need me.”

He blinks surprised when Tubbo immediately leans back with a grin and laughs. He cheers happily as he walks backwards into a wall, probably ending up somewhere in the living room. “Thanks man!”

Huh, usually the other would have tried convincing Tommy to come along. Shaking his head quickly, Tommy let out a tiny chuckle. Well, whatever. At least he was having fun. He’s got to be excited after all, he’s been complaining to Tommy about not visiting everyone for months now. Tubbo was probably rolling with happiness at the moment. 

Turning towards the hallway again Tommy let out a nervous chuckle. Standing in silence for a moment, just trying to collect enough energy himself to make it through the night Tommy smiled weakly. He didn’t know if he was excited himself yet… 

Eyes darting to the floor Tommy realizes, that for the first time in three months, he was alone. Like- _actually_ alone. No ex-friends or family, not even a ghostly Tubbo was at his side… it was.. Kind of nerve racking if Tommy was being honest.

… Oh, well. Might as well get on with the night.

Shrugging silently Tommy stepped forward into the hall with a deep breath. One last wave of silence falling over him as he heard Wilbur and Philza calling out for him yet again. 

* * *

“Tubbo!” Tommy cried quietly, desperately fumbling with the edge of a shelf as Tubbo weakly tried steading himself again. “Hold still!”

Tommy laughs, trying to keep himself quiet by placing a sweaty hand over his mouth, as Tubbo lets out a squeak. He groans, tiredly pressing himself into the shelf behind him as he glared up at Tommy weakly, “You- _oh, god_ , Yu’re so he- Heavy!”

Suppressing the next laugh Tommy lets the warm feeling in his heart well up in his throat. God, it’s been so long since he’s felt this way. Felt so- so _happy_. 

Grinning triumphantly as he grabbed a shinny bottle of strength potion from the very back he dragged it out, letting out a growl of glee he quickly mumbled out some words to Tubbo. “You know it big man!”

He hears Tubbo grumble something, practically feeling the other’s eye roll in is gut. It makes him smirk, although he quickly lets out a squeak of his own when Tubbo's arms give out and he has to quickly catch the both of them.

“Tubbo!” Tommy shrieks, arms trembling against the shelf, feeling it creak weakly under his weak.

Heart pounding Tommy clutches weekly to the edge, eyes wide as Tubbo let out a happy whoop and some laughter. He stops after a second, arms twitching against his legs as he lets out a slow breath of air. “Just hurry!”

“Yeah, Yeah!” Tommy hurries himself to grab another potion of the shelf.

He didn’t even know how they managed to find this place…

Tubbo had come down the stairs a few minutes ago, calling out to him and interrupting his and Wilbur's conversation about the latest fish in the grocery store… not that Tommy minded that, he didn’t know what his older brothers fascination fish were, but he definitely didn’t want to talk about it with him. Or with anyone….

Tubbo had called on him to go up the stairs and find one of Erets secret rooms where he kept all his expensive things. Apparently he had been keeping them there because he couldn’t store in the castle any more... on the account of it being dismantled a few months ago. It, thankfully, didn’t seem like Eret minded too much. Especially since the other was spewing about how excited he was that Dream was letting him build another one after they finished building everyone their houses.

Either way Tommy had found himself and Tubbo climbing onto each other to reach the back of a shelf. Tubbo had floated up there to look and found a couple of potions. He would have grabbed them himself but… well he couldn’t exactly _grab_ them… it was also the reason why Tommy wasn’t lifting the other to grab them.

Tubbo would have usually volunteered himself to go up, given the fact that he was both lighter and shorter, but Tommy had to take it this time. Tubbo couldn't move anything, anything that _mattered_ anyways, except for Tommy so it was pretty clear what would need to happen.

If only the other wasn’t so _shit_ at it!

“Did- Did you get it!?” Swallowing quickly Tommy snaps back to reality. Looking down he sees Tubbo gazing up at him tiredly, a shine of sweat plastered to his face. 

Oh… _Yeah_. Laughing Tommy nodded. “Ye- Yeah!”

“Good, I don’t think I can-”

Tommy’s eyes widen, feeling Tubbo jolt frantically under him as the door slams open. Quickly throwing his head back Tommy gazes at the door, finding Eret growling and glaring at them with a seething look. He could see Philza and Wilbur behind him too, but had to look away as Tubbo unceremoniously let go of him to fall to the ground with a rather large thump. Head hitting the edge of the wooden shelf with a thunk.

Letting out a groan he can’t help but gasp as he squeezed his eyes tightly. He can vaguely hear something shatter next to him, feel something wet seeping into his clothes as someone laughs… probably Phil… yeah, It was Phil.

Sharp pains flicker up his sides. Half of Tommy hopes he didn’t end up falling onto the potion, the other half hopes that he did so that he could avoid the angry man stepping over him to tug the other potion from his grip. He lets it go with a groan, eyes blearily looking up to see Phil grinning down at him. Wilbur was tisking behind him, letting Eret argue and yell as he moved to grab somethings.

Gasping Tommy groans as Tubbo pulls him up, partially trying to avoid Erets unknowing gaze. His form flickers in and out, anxious face staring at Tommy’s desperately like he’d get in trouble if he stayed. He blinks up at him, suddenly realizing that Eret had been lecturing him the entire time as the man stepped in front of the other to glare down at him.

“I swear to _God_ you’re always getting into my shit!” 

Tommy grumbles, rubbing gentle at his head, half listening to him. “Ow-”

Tommy blinks as Wilbur steps forward into the room, his eyes screaming both fury and amusement. It was something that Tommy was familiar with, the look causing something sick to bubble up in his stomach. “You were gone for like-”

Then Philza was cutting him off with an awkward laugh, reaching over to pull Wilbur back again as he stepped in himself. “Wait, how the hell did you even know where the potions were!?” He grins down at him like he was half proud, half amazed. “You’ve been downstairs for most of the party, mate!”

Tommy blinks, face going blank as he gazed at Tubbo’s disappearing form. Bitch was going through a wall, _lucky_. “Uhhhh!” Laughing awkwardly Tommy looks away, licking his lips as he tries to come up with something to say. “Luck?”

Eret just lets out a disgruntled sigh, unamused as he readjusted some things on the shield as he shook his head. “Well, at least I know not to hide it up here anymore.”

Tommy chuckles nervously, eyes glancing at the wall that Tubbo had just disappeared to. “Yeah….”

* * *

“Tommy?”

Tommy blinked tiredly, yawning as he looked up from the window he was sat at. There, standing awkwardly, was Quackity. His face was pulled up nervously in a hopeful smile. Shuffling in his seat Tommy sat back against the wall, pulling his cup of coke with him to greet the man silently with a slow nod. Quackity mouths something, eyes darting to the ground as he shifted from foot to foot anxiously.

“Yeah?” Tommy finally drew out, realizing that he wasn’t going to say anything himself. “What’cha want Big Q?”

“Uhh…” Tommy watches him glance at the Tv, eyes widening in panic as he tried to form some words. “I… I just wanted to know if- if-” 

Quackity swallows, trailing off into a silent stutter. It made Tommy sigh, mouth pulling into a frown as he looked up to see what was on the Telly himself. There, repeating almost comically, was the start up to Mario kart, the blinking cars waiting for the player to press play. Schlatt, Connor, and Punz were all sat there watching them half-heartedly. Tommy could easily guess what was going on, what Quackity was asking him.

Tiredly he glances back towards the kitchen, it was the last place he saw Tubbo… but for some reason he wasn’t there. Just Wilbur, Niki, and another random girl Tommy had never seen before talking. His bestfriends’ absent form sending silent pains of panic up his spine as Quackity coughed awkwardly.

Swallowing Tommy shook his head. He was probably just exploring again, growing bored of watching and listening to other people's conversations….

Half convinced with himself he hesitantly looks back to Quackity, almost surprised by the other’s scared face. It was only when their eyes connected that he saw the faint glimmers of hope in his old friends eyes. It was gone a second lately, though, a sad smile falling onto his face, head tilting weirdly to the side as he took a step back towards the couch, “I… It’s okay if you don’t want to man. I just thought that sense you came and all?”

Frowning quickly Tommy let out a tired sigh. It can feel it, that awful sense of guilt, in his chest. He feels Quackity stop more than see it, too focused on his own heart than the other. He was right, after all. No matter how much Tommy hated it, he did come here to have a good time with his old friends… even if he hasn’t quite gotten over what happened. And he can’t do that staring out a goddamn widow can he….

Taking a deep breath Tommy forced an awkward smile onto his face. Ignoring the way his heart skipped in his chest as he looked up at Quackity and gave him a half hearted thumbs up. “I guess.” Shrugging Tommy ignored the way Quackity’s eyes sparkled and the little cheer he gave him. “Just don't go easy on me old man.”

Getting up from his chair Tommy picked himself up to follow after Quackity’s excited form, practically rolling his eyes as the others protested cheerfully at the nickname. He can’t help but dart a look over his shoulder again as he went, eyes searching out his best friend's familiar form again for comfort… When he doesn’t find him yet again he sighs sadly, heart aching slightly.

Frowning he settles against the couch, accepting the remote from Connor when the other nudges it gently against his leg. It was.. Weird, but not unwelcome, seeing the others smiling faces again. It almost brings a smile to his face, almost.

If it weren’t for the fact that he didn’t know where his best friend was, and didn't know what he was doing at the moment, he probably would. He was just too concerned to think about a silly game… not having Tubbo around was weird and painful, but not unexpected. This is the first time Tubbo’s ever came back after all. Tommy should have known that he’d be running about searching through everything...

“Hey man, You coming!?” Quackity knocks into his side, concerned face pulling into a frown as he blinked carefully down at Tommy.

Sighing grumpily Tommy nods, eyes glancing towards the screen to pick a character. A flicker of warmth growing in his chest at the others' quick smile. “Yeah, Yeah.”

* * *

“You’re staying over for the night, right?” Wilbur asks excitedly, his words jumbling over themselves in the effort to get out fast. “We’re all waking up early tomorrow to get the lake quickly. It’d be nice if you were with us during the trip.”

He was leaning up against the counter that Tommy was sat at, resting on his elbow to lean down close to him. Tommy just hums, neither in agreement or disagreement, halfheartedly twirling on the stool. He had just finished off a game with Quackity, eyes still burning from staring at the screen for so long. Eret had offered him something to eat, a piece of pizza or something, but he had refused it. Instead wander over here to Wilbur after seeing him standing there all alone.

“I mean it’s pretty great waking up with everyone. It could be-” Tommy rolls his eyes, the rest of Wilbur's words falling on deaf ears as Tommy focuses his gaze on the hallway leading up to the second floor.

….He hasn't seen Tubbo in hours…

It was… _hurtful?_ Tommy frowns, eyes falling to the floor. He wouldn’t exactly call it that. He wasn’t hurt that Tubbo had left him, but it still ached to know that the other hadn’t returned yet. The hollow spot in his heart yearning for the other to come back so that he could talk to someone that _actually_ listened.

Seriously, Tommy had been talking to Wilbur for the past hour and a half and it was like the other man wasn’t even registering the words he was saying. It was fun at first, saying random shit and letting the other continue on like he hadn’t said a single thing… but after awhile it just got boring. And shit.

Now he was on about the swimming going on tomorrow, eyes gleaming as he described the schedule. He wanted Tommy to stay over the night, which Tommy thought was an awful idea, but he wanted Tubbo’s opinion before he actually decided. He didn’t know if the other wanted to stay or not… and he wasn’t about to make a decision without him….

Maybe he’s outside?

That would make sense… yeah. They’ve been here for a good amount of the night already, so it would make sense if Tubbo had just randomly wandered outside bored and curious. He’d would have already explored all the rooms by now and it wasn’t exactly fun watching random people talk to each other without being able to add to the conversation… so yeah, maybe he’s outside. Tommy nods, then something flashes into his head. Or maybe he’s upstairs? He could be up there again looking for more loot… he should probably check..

“Hey! Are you listening, Tommy!?”

Tommy jolts in his seat, chair spinning quickly at the movement. Body tense, he gaze darts over to Wilbur’s pissed face, eyes growling wide as his older brother stood up completely. Dangerous sparks of light flickered in his eyes like he was ready to murder some one… Fuck. Dread and fear filling his heart Tommy winced back, shoulder tensing in on themselves as he hunched back, reading himself for whatever Wilbur was about to do.

Then, like some kind of angel, Philza jumps in. His wings spread out over them, feathers dancing lightly across blocking out some of the sounds and lights from the others as he pulled Wilbur's seething form into his body and away. “Alright come here-”

The rest of the conversation is lost on Tommy, Philza having already dragged Wilbur into a vacant room as Tommy took a deep shuddering breath.

Calming his heart he tried to make his shoulders relax, each muscle fighting him like he was in the middle of a battle… and maybe he just was, maybe Wilbur was about to fight him. The other’s been acting strange for the past few months, had been acting insane ever since Pogtopia was built. He’s seen first hand what he could do, and he knows that Wilbur was unhinged…

Shaking his head Tommy let out a shudder, body collapsing in on itself as he scooted off his seat. It’s hinges squeaked under the weight, but inevitably gave way as Tommy padded away towards the stairs.

He needed to find Tubbo, needed to find his best friend… 

He wanted to leave, he wanted to go back home where it was safe and lock everyone out. He couldn’t handle this, he can’t- not after so long- he- he just needed to _go_. He- He needed his best friend and a safe place to go.

Shaking his head Tommy heads up stairs, feet pounding quickly with the upbeat music. Nervous thoughts and hammering heart pounding in his ears as he shuddered through a few doors. Each empty room or empty group of people making his heart quicken more, each dark corner and shadowy placing threatening his heart and mind.

He’s left gazing around pathetically not knowing what to do at the top of the stairs minutes later. The thundering of music downstairs and echoes of conversations dampening his mood even further.

 _God,_ where could he be!? What if he’s hurt- What- What if he needs hel-

“Hey Tommy!” Jolting out of his skin Tommy swung his head back, eyes going wild with fear. Walking together Jack and Ranboo greeted him, pausing nervously when they saw the look in his eyes. Jack took a sip out of his cup, letting the other nervously speak for him. “You looking for something man?”

Tommy swallows, eyes darting to the floor as he let his heart calm for a second. He- He didn't think the others would notice him. Which was _stupid_ of him, but he couldn’t cover it now. He’ll just have to lie about something or another, make them think he was looking for Phil or something. Squeezing his eyes tightly he takes a silent breath, nervously leaning up against the railing.

Raising his head he watches Ranboo blink. He lets out a nervous laugh, his black mask muffling his words, “I know you don’t know me well, but I can help if you want?”

Furrowing his eyebrows Tommy shook his head. He… honestly didn’t know how to feel about Ranboo, the man was… interesting. Not bad, but very friendly for no odd reason. It was almost unnerving if it weren’t for the fact that Tommy had once been that out going too. 

“Uh…” Looking down the stairs he spots Sapnap and Karl racing towards the kitchen, eyes filled with warmth and glee. “I’m good thanks. Just… trying to find someone.”

He looks up in time to see Jack’s eyes widen, a snort falling from his lips as he finally let go of the straw. “Really?” He tilts his head, letting shadows dance across his face as he grinned cheerfully. “Damn, they were right. You are getting better!”

Tommy’s blood runs cold.

Getting… better…. He’s getting better. People were saying he’s getting better, they were talking about him behind his back. They were talking behind his back!? What else could they be saying, those fuckers! Maybe they were angry, maybe they thought he was annoying or something. They probably thought it was just absolutely _wonderful_ that he finally got out of his goddamn house after they ruined _everything_ for him. What fucking _great_ friends.

Glaring Tommy let the seething feeling into his words, watching as Jack jumps back at the look. “What?” He growls, eyes narrowing to pin points. “They were saying what!?”

Jack's eyes go wide as he freezes in place The plastic cup in his hand crinkled as he laughed nervously, clutching nervously it’s it’s red sides, “Oh, shit.” He looked away, chuckling as he took a step backwards towards an open doorway. “You weren’t supposed to know that I guess…-” Wincing he sends Ranboo another look, eyes widening as he darted towards the door. “ _That’s_ my time to go!”

Glaring Tommy lets his gaze travel up to Ranboo instead. The man, looking almost as nervous as Jack had been, he laughed a little nervously as he scratched the back of his head

Rolling his eyes Tommy let out a tisk, taking a step down the stairs so that he could go find his friend and get the hell out of this awful place. And to think- he was just beginning to think that everything was going well. _Well_ , serves him right for fucking thinking that. Damn bastards…

Stopping halfway down the stairs Tommy lets out an annoyed sigh, the anger in his heart finally calming as he lets it go. Rubbing his eyes tiredly, he leaned up against the railing, letting out a frustrated groan when Dream and George came piling in through the front door letting in a burst of cold air and overwhelming laughs and sounds.

Can’t he just get a single second- just a single second to himself!?

First Wilbur gets mad at him and now this- this god awful feeling about finding out that your friends had been talking about you behind their backs! What next- someone's going to splash him in the face with a cup of water!? God that’d just be the perfect night wouldn’t it...

He makes a move to set down the stairs, feet already on the next step when he hears an awkward cough from above. “Uhh…. I- uh, I don’t really know what’s going on man, I’ve only heard about it from the others, but I just want you to know that they don’t say anything bad about you…. “ 

Blinking Tommy frowns at him, eyes watering from the angle. He searches the others multicolored eyes for something, anything harsh or cold, but finds something warm and soft there instead. Like he was asking the other to understand him, just simply asking if he’d listen to him for just a moment and nothing more.

“They’ve only ever said hopeful things about you….” 

Grunting Tommy lets out a harsh laugh, heart filling with dread yet again. “Yeah, Yeah… they love me-” Rolling his eyes he glares at the colorful banners taped to the top of the wall, crossing his arms as he looked away. “- Like they always do.”

He hears Ranboo shift, something scratching against another thing, and then he’s talking again. “I-... I-”

Looking up he sees him frowning, eyes staring at something beyond his vision as he tries to gather up some confidence. “They do though…” He looks down, colorful light dancing across his face from the rooms below them, hands squishing together desperately where he leaned on the railing from above to look down at him.

It makes something warm flicker in his gut, heat bursting into his chest warmly… Yeah.. so maybe they do love him. They have to if they keep wandering about his yard and shit, no matter how much he tried to throw them out… They kept coming back even as Tommy screamed and yelled at them to leave him alone...

His lips quirk up a bit, just a little bit, as he shook his head. Letting out a sigh he gazes back up at him, “Yeah… They do.” He watches as Ranboo shifts and smiles happily, Tommy’s legs already carrying themselves down the stairs again. “Even if I don’t deserve it… Thanks…”

He hears Ranboo yell something back, too muffled by the music to know what it was. It sounded happy though, happy and gleeful. Smiling Tommy shuffles in-between moving bodies, ignoring muffled words and loud laughter as he darted towards the back door. It’s probably the place that Tubbo was, the other had promised him that he’d wait to see the other house with him after all.

* * *

It’s cold.

 _Very_ cold outside.

Without his jacket Tommy can’t help but shiver. Each burst of wind somehow made it through Eret’s fence biting and swaying against him. The hairs on Tommy’s arms stand up on end, tiny little shudders wrack his body as he stepped out into the grass.

The yard was… beautiful. The dark sky poured shadows everywhere, only interrupted by small bulbs of glowing solar light weaved in between tiny flowers and bushes. Vines decorated everything, hanging solemnly along the fences and trees. A few feet away, lined by small stones and cattails was a pond. The calm surface flowed briskly as something swam along its edges. Dancing light poured out of the windows, excited cheers and yells muffled by the walls pounded into the yard…

Tommy hummed, eyes lidding as he let out a foggy breath of air. The cold air burning his lungs as he gazed into the corners of the yard, seeing no one he couldn’t help but frown tiredly. There wasn’t a single person out there, not a single friend or drunk man dancing… it was lonely.

Furrowing his eyebrows Tommy took a step forward towards the pond, eyes drifting towards the endless milky way. Stars dancing delicately in the sky.. One of the only things that had never changed in his life. The stars, ever ending, were always there for him...

Looking down Tommy surprises himself seeing Tubbo standing next to him, eyes pointed to the sky too. They looked blurry, glazed over by a layer of cold wobbly tears. Cold panic thunders into Tommy’s heart, sharp and deep, tearing his skin and muscles as it went. It makes him stutter, shivering his body into a frozen husk of himself as _that_ day flashed into his head.

Tubbo doesn’t acknowledge him, just sigh tiredly. His foggy breath curling out into the air coldly.

Staring at him Tommy blinks, half wondering how he ended up right there without him noticing, but he was more worried with the tears building in the others eyes. “...Hey. Tubbo?”

He seems to jump, eyes widening before he’s looking at Tommy, surprised himself. Then he’s wiping at his eyes quickly, tiny sniffles echoing out into the desolate air surrounding them. He comes back up red in the face, eyes narrowed slightly with sorrow and embarrassment, gaze settled somewhere far off from the two of them.

“Are- Are you okay?” Tommy frowns, head tilting slightly to get a better look of his friends face. He leans into the other. Their sides touch each other hesitantly, like he was afraid that Tubbo might run if he pushed too far. “You, uh… You look sad.”

Tubbo shakes his head, a single tear running down his face as he looked up at him with a sparkling smile, the sorrow plainly digging itself into his face. “I’m- I’m fine.”

Tommy bites his cheek, wincing at the sound of Tubbo’s voice. It was rough, broken and choppy like the other had been crying for hours. And… if the telling redness in the corners of his eyes were anything to go by he had. He _had_ cried for hours.

Heart aching Tommy let out another foggy sigh, mouth wincing as his eyes darted along the others form, desperately trying to find the problem. “What-”

“I’m _fine_ Tommy. I just….” He shakes his head sharply, taking a heated breath as he looked away. Tubbo’s eyebrows tightened together as he glaring into the dirt like it had stabbed him. “I just… didn’t expect it to be this… _sad_.”

Blinking Tommy’s eyes widen, shuffling slightly he moves to stand in front of Tubbo. He raises his hands, not knowing how to comfort the other, only to pause mid air and then make them cling back to his sides seconds later.

“You-” Tubbo bitterly grinds his teeth together, eyes rising to Tommy’s. “I wanted to have some fun, but-... but it just feels _awful_ man.”

Tommy bites his lip, checking over his shoulder he makes sure there wasn’t anyone around that could hear them. “Awful…” He murmurs, shuffling to watch Tubbo grind his teeth and furrowed his eyebrows. “It feels awful? How- How?”

“I-... I thought that maybe if I came back then I would be able to talk to them…. I was never able to at the house so I thought maybe…” Tubbo swallows hard, voice creaking under the weight of something so heavy. “I thought that maybe they would be able to see me just like you did when we moved up by my grave.”

Frowning Tommy blinks at the other in contemplation. It was a good theory, that maybe if the others were close then they would be able to see him. Hell, Tommy didn’t know why he saw Tubbo, but it was probably due to the fact that Tommy had moved up to his grave… It doesn’t make sense why they would see him now though, after all they had been coming up to their house for months now.

If anything they would have been able to see Tubbo the moment they stepped onto his grave...

When Tommy doesn’t say anything Tubbo starts again. Face pulling into a frown as he looked away. “It was.. heartbreaking seeing them all have fun.” Tommy furrows his eyebrows, shuffling where he stood uncomfortably. “It’s not like I didn’t want them to- _I do_ , Tommy- but at the same time _I_ want to have fun too.”

“I thought you were-”

“ _I was._ ” Tubbo growls out, voice just as dark as his eyes as he gripped the material of his jeans in tight fists. “But- But it’s just _not_ the same Tommy!”

Taking a step back Tommy let out a quick breath, eyes widening. Briefly he realizes that his feet crunch on stones, the tiny waves of cattails hitting the back of his own jeans. A burning rush fills Tommy’s chest, dragging out every sick feeling in him at the sight of Tubbo’s face. His lips pulled back in a snarl, eyes wild and hurt. The glare ripping Tommy’s spine out of his back and making him hunch into himself.

“I hate it you know!?” Tubbo growled, taking a step closer to Tommy to clutch at his arms like he was a lifeline. Each finger curling painfully into the white material of his shirt. “I hate everything about this! I can’t go a single goddamn day without remembering what I’m missing Tommy! I can’t go a single day without realizing that I am dead, and that I will never- never get to be alive again! I got so happy seeing them having fun after so _long_ , but- but then I just! I just fucking realized that I’ll never have that again!”

Tommy’s heart stops, body tensing against the hands until they let go with a tug. “T- Tubbo?”

Tubbo sneers, shoulders tense as he turns away for a second. “And you!” Tommy gulps, tongue sticking to the dry sides of his mouth, watching him gesture viciously towards the sky. “You just sit in your goddamn house day in and day out, ignoring everyone! Everyone _I_ love, everyone _I_ want to talk to- to play with, to just _fucking_ have them notice that I am _there_!”

He turns viciously, finger pointing into Tommy's chest harshly like it could push all of the hate in his heart into the other. “Tommy!” His heart stops, body tensing against the finger like it was a gun. He can feel the fear, the hate, and fury, underneath it. His own blood cooling desperately under his skin. _“I want to be alive again! I_ want to be able to tell them I love them _,_ to tell them that it’s okay and that I’m fine! I thought that maybe-” He stops, voice lowering as the anger in his voice simmers out, “I thought that maybe I could tell them but…”

He stops, eyes softening as he looked away sorrowfully. The tears gone just like the angry, complete grief and anguish echoing in those blue depths like pain. Everything, even the way he breathes, seems to dull. Body sagging as he hunched into himself bitterly, hand resting softly on Tommy’s chest, before dragging itself away to fall limply at his side. Nothing like the bitter angry he had before… and Tommy didn’t know which one he had preferred.

“I- uh, I-” Tommy tries, mouth stumbling over itself to try and talk to his best friend. But as soon as the sounds hit the air Tubbo’s talking again-

“I just…” Tubbo looks up at him, tears burning in his eyes again, “Do you know what it’s like to just be completely invisible Tommy?”

Tommy swallows hard, breath catching harshly in his chest with a hitch. “Wha- What?”

“Do you know what it’s like to see everyone around you cry over your death and not be able to do anything about it- to have to see your best friend mourn your fucking death as he distances himself from _everyone_ that loves him.” 

He looks away again, molten lava flowing from his eyes, pouring down his face in rivers of hate and pain. His words coming out cold and slow, eyes darker than the sky itself. “To _finally_ have someone see you, and then hope- _hope_ \- that they do everything they can to make everything better for you- To make sure that people know that I don’t hate them, or that I am fine with the thinks that they did- Only to have them ignore you on every whim and just fucking take for granted everything he has!? Because _I_ do, Tommy!” 

He glares, pure venom on his tongue as he spit at Tommy. “I _fucking_ do and it’s not great!”

Something sick settling into his gut, heavy and tough as it gnawed desperately at his squirming stomach. Tubbo growls when Tommy doesn’t say anything, “Well Tommy!” He pushes him with a quick hand, making him fall backwards and take another crunching step. “What the fuck do you think!? What would you do!?”

Another push, another step and then suddenly Tommy’s taking a quick breath as his foot falls deeper than he expects. It makes him stumble, eyes widening as his feet catch against a slick rock and water splashes up around him. He’s falling, catching Tubbo’s eyes flashing with panic as dark water swallows him up with a loud splash. There's a scream, somewhere far off in the distance as the dark cold depths swallowed him whole.

In a flash Tommy can hear arrows firing at him. Hear screams of victory and cheers as fear courses into him, blindingly grabbing for anything to save him from Dream’s vicious aim. It makes him stumble over himself, lungs desperately dragging in air as he tries to avoid another shot, water rushing into his lungs making him gag.

He spasms, filling something squirm and panicking against his side. He hears another scream, black and red flashing across his vision. A dark coat flipping against his side sharply. It- It was Wilbur, it was Wilbur he must have been shot. He- He has to-

“T- Tommy!” It’s squeaky, voice trembling harshly through the water depths. 

No- no… It- It was Tubbo- It was his friend. Scared and- and _Fuck_ . He needed- He needed help! He would- wouldn’t let those fuckers take him, _not again!_

Scrambling out of the water with a cough, feet scrambling over mossy stones and slick rocks as water escaped his lungs. He dragged in ragged breaths throat collapsing in on itself in giant coughs as he slipped. Splashing he tries pulling himself to shore, only to be dragged back down against as he steps on a sharp rock. Sputtering he gazes about frantically. Bubbles beelining for the surface as he tries to breathe again, only to breathe out heavily when the water rushes back into his lungs again.

Gagging Tommy feels someone grab at him, thick fingers pulling him to the surface. He goes with it, desperately needing air, but fights back a second later realising what was happening. He was not going to let them capture him! He was not letting them use him against Wilbur, not letting them take him without a _god damn struggle_!

“Tommy get a hold of yourself!” It’s deeper, mono tuned and rough. The words sinking into his skin like glue.

Desperately shaking his head, Tommy struggled, hands trying to rip the fist clenched to his shoulder off. Only to gasp when another hand sinks into his side and he’s pulled up like a wet kitten. Gagging and spitting out water, Tommy shakes his head. Water pouring off of him in buckets.

He can’t help but sob, phantom pains flaring in his burning chest as tears trickled down his cheeks in streams. Old scars reopening as his blurry vision desperately searches out for his friends. Only to pause in horror at his older brother's face. The man who killed Tubbo- The man who- _who_

His head stops spinning, face burning as Techno tosses him to the banks with a painful thud. Stones and pebbles scraping against his face as he gasps there, laying in pain. Water seeps off of him like a sponge, only aware enough to feel another hand pulling him into the softer grass, keeping him down as it pats the cold water off of him a piece of cloth.

He blinks, shock filling his body as Techno hums lowly. The older man’s body leaning over him, face blocking out the rest of the world as he checked over him calmly. “You really just fell in there on your own didn’t you…”

Tommy feels mortification fall onto him, body curling into itself, clenching harshly against the wind like an angry fist. Half wincing from the pain of landing weirdly Tommy moves his bare hands under him, eyes squeezing shut as tears gushed embarrassingly from his eyes. Shaking from old memories and wounds, chest still burning from where he had inhaled lungfuls of water.

“Fuck-” Tommy swallows thickly, throat sticky and wet with snot and algae. His body not responding to any of the commands he gave it. “ _Shit-_ ”

His mind bitterly reminds him of Tubbo, disappearing fast by his side. The others form shaking in and out until he’s completely gone again, comforting hands disappearing along with him. Then he’s all alone, left with nothing but a vicious man hell bent on murder and pain.

But… Techno just huffs slightly, a laugh on his breath as he sat next to Tommy. His hands rubbing soft circles into his back, making Tommy’s chest and belly burn with relief, very pleasant relief. Something like Phil used to do when they were sick and cough up their lungs on a minute basis when they were younger. It brought back happy memories and feelings, only to evaporate when he realized _who_ was doing it.

“Man… Phil was right.” Tommy shudders from another burst of wind, eyes blurrily realizing that Techno wasn’t wearing his old skeletal pig mask. His long pink hair glimmering slightly from where water had wetten it’s messy strand. Most of it was pulled up into a ponytail, sticking out dutifully like it usually was. Every little grey and white scar left open to the air. “You really do look like shit.”

Tommy frowns, face wincing as the grass scratches ticklishly at his face. Looking away he bitterly keeps himself quiet, only ever interrupted by the shudders and sobs his body couldn’t keep in. He can feel Techno frown, body shuffling for a second as he did something that Tommy couldn’t see.

Sniffing Tommy shivers violently, cussing under his breath as yet another wave of cold air flew onto him. Not even Techno’s hand, which was slowly building up warmth in his back again, could stop it.

Fuck.

He feels his older brother move next to him, something silky dragging against his still wet skin. “One sec-” Tommy blinks as Techno’s cape is thrown over him. It’s still warm sides melting into Tommy almost immediately. The fuzzy neck top made Tommy hum sleepily, tickling his cheeks softly along with the grass.

“Phil told me that you're supposed to take off wet clothes but I don’t think you want to do that at a party….”

Tommy snorts, eyes blinking warmly as he realizes that the wind couldn’t reach him any longer. It made sense, Tommy couldn’t help but yawn, Techno did like staying out in the snow constantly… “ _Yeah_ , I’m good.”

He can hear Techno laugh, voice heavy and light at the same time. The hand on his side tilted slightly, moving with the rumbles before eventually calming again. It makes something hesitate in his chest, a spike of panic making his still under it, nervous thoughts bouncing in his head as Techno went silent yet again.

Tommy pouts under the cape when Techno moves away, the hand keeping him warm moving with him. He seems to sigh, almost angrily, but Tommy could hear the hints of pain and sadness under it. It’s what Tommy used to think was fury, but might have been something else… something more... _sorrow_ …

“...sorry.” Tommy looks up at him, seeing sunrise in the other's eyes as he quickly turns away with a frown. He could barely see his face, Techno’s finger dancing on the grass around them. Dutifully pulling up tiny strands of grass when asked. 

Sadness bleeding out of his form as he twirled a piece of it in his fingers, voice deep and rough. “For what?”

Grimacing he hunched back down into himself when the other quickly looked over. Techno doesn’t move with his next words, Tommy’s voice is a little annoyed and bitter. “For… I don’t know, making you sad?”

Tommy waits, eyes crinkled slightly as he stares away from his older brother. Not wanting to see his face, to see whatever was in those dark depths of the others eyes. He just wanted to leave, to go somewhere far away again. Somewhere that no one would ever see him again. He didn’t want to see Techno… and then as Tommy’s wishing that the ground would swallow him up like it did with Tubbo’s dead body- Techno huffs a little.

“Huh.”

“What!?” Tommy can’t help but cry, arching backwards to glare up at him. Bitter tears beading in his eyes as he sniffed tiredly, cheeks red and sore.

All that Techno did was give him is a snort, eyes crinkling slightly as he let out a chuckle. Then he shook his head and glanced towards the pond. Pale hair shining softly from its reflection of the moon. “Nothing, just funny.” Tommy feels his eyes twitch, angry that the other won’t tell him. “I mean, aren't I the one who should be saying sorry?”

Tommy pauses, eyes widening for a second before he turns away with a huff. Looking towards the sky he scanned the stars. Each tiny glimmer lighting up the dark night like a beacon of hope in a lighthouse. There were many things Techno should be sorry for. Destroying their house, ruining friendships, and just overall being a complete jackass for the past 5 to 10 years… but Tommy still didn’t know what he would be sorry for in that moment. He wasn’t sorry before so-...

He sees Techno let out a sigh, his white breath dancing between them. “I killed your best friend Tommy, I killed Tubbo.”

The words make him wince, pain shooting through his gut as he took a sharp burning breath. Tommy can’t help but close his eyes for a second, needing to calm his nerves as the image of Tubbo sprawled out dead on the ground flashes through his mind. “...Yeah, you did.”

It’s silent. Techno goes silent, not the angry kind, but the soft kind. The only thing that Tommy could hear that garateeted the other was still there was his breathing. Each shift of air dusting the world in another warm cloud of dust. Something deep settles into his chest at the sound of it. Shifting to sit up Tommy stared over at the pond in concern, heat building up behind his eyes yet again.. 

Glancing over at him Tommy lets out his own sigh. His eyes seemed to grow heavier by the second. His older brother was staring down at the ground, eyes half lidded and cold. Even his shoulder, which Tommy had gotten so used to being pushed back in a weird stance of being proud and strong, had lowered themselves. His spiky pig ears were tilted down, matching the hitched frown on his face. Everything, _everything_ about him seemed so… crestfallen.

Frowning Tommy tilts his gaze away, not wanting to look at the older man. Raising his knees to his chest he hummed softly. Arms coming up to cross against them, wet clothes sticking bitterly to his skin.

Maybe… Maybe Tubbo had been right. Maybe it _was_ time for Techno to know that Tubbo didn’t hate him, that he was okay with what happened. He- He looked so fucking _hurt_ . And Tommy wanted him too, he wouldn’t deny that, he wanted Techno to pay for what he had done to Tubbo. To what he had done to _him_. But… But he didn’t want him to look like this…

So...

“Why-...” Tommy shrivels into himself, eyes squeezing shut. His mind switches last minute, too overwhelmed to out right say it. He feels Techno’s gaze softly digging into his back, curious and warm. “Why aren't you wearing your mask?”

Tommy swallows, shifting further under the cape to hide from his gaze. It gnaws at him, gnaws for a couple of minutes because Techno stays silent. The nerves flare up in his head until he finally says something, “It makes everyone else scared.”

Tommy frowns, eyes widening slightly as he shifts back out of the cape to watch him. “Really?”

Techno nods slowly, “Yeah,” He stares down at him, every movement slow and soft like he was afraid that if he moved too much then he’d scare him. “Phil… tried getting them to like it again but I could tell y’know? They just- kept cowering when I came by…”

Tommy frowns into the fluffy coat, “That’s kind of messed up…” Sitting up Tommy winces as the cold seeps into his skin. He quickly readjusts the coat, eye darting back and forth between the ground and Techno. “I haven’t seen you without it since…”

...Uh… Tommy can’t even remember. He knows what Techno _used_ to look like when he was barely old enough to walk, and he kind of knew what he had looked like now, given the fact that him and Wilbur were twins… but he can’t remember the last time he’s actually seen his face. Every memory of then and now was just fog, not even a hint of might have been there.

His thoughts are interrupted when Techno snorts, amusement glittering in his eyes. Lips pressed up in a smile behind the tusks curving out of his mouth. “You were like 7.” Tommy blinks at him, watching him chuckle softly as he shakes his head.

Tommy frowned, eyes squinting as he tried to think back to when he was there. He doesn’t even remember it. God, his face must have been so different. Techno would have had to been 12 or 13. Almost 5 years ago... 

“I think you looked better with it on.” Tommy blinks, freezing as the words leave his mouth before he could stop them. Oh- Oh no. Oh _fuck_. Was he going to-

He watches as Techno lets out a bark of laughter, eyes crinkling again. “Wow, impressive. Insulting your own brother for his appearance now.”

Tommy can’t help but smile, hands shifting under the coat to pick at his jeans. “Yeah, well, you deserved it.”

Tommy frowns when Techno freezes, eyes frozen to the ground. He sees the other move out of the corner of his eye. When he doesn’t say or do anything more Tommy looks over. Finding him gazing softly at the ground, a sad smile stuck to his face as he pulled up a tuft of grass.

“Yeah… yeah I do.”

Tommy pauses, lips twitching as he looks at the pond. Several flowers and bushes were broken, leaves and twigs cracked where they had gotten caught in the fall. Water laid in puddles across the tiny rocks, gathering layers of frost and dirt, each surface glossy and wet from where Tommy had been laying previously. He could even see tiny strings of green algae, slimy and thick across the cold rocks.

Tommy knows… He knows that he needed to tell Techno. That he needed to tell him what Tubbo said. Tommy knew this and yet it seemed so hard. It was so goddamn _hard_ . He didn’t know why, it’s just a simple fucking sentence but still... _still._

Nervously shifting Tommy shakes his head, eyes filling with frustrated tears as he gripped the cape around him. “Tec- Techno?”

The man hums, low and rumbly. He sounded tired, every sound falling from his voice flat and cold. Like he hadn’t slept in months...

“I-...” Tommy pauses, voice cracking with effort to keep steady. Swallowing he stops his next words from trembling. “I have something to tell you.”

He looks over to see Techno watching him, the other's face pulled into a blank page of nothingness. He didn’t move, everything in his body deflated and waiting for whatever Tommy was going to give him. “What is it?”

He frowns, staring at the grass so that he wouldn’t have to look at him, “Tubbo said he-... He forgives you…”

Tommy winces- Hands curling against his stiff jeans, eyes shutting tightly as he hunched into his knees waiting for the other to explode into fury. Waiting for him to fight and cry with revenge or- or _something_.

But-

But… instead everything goes silent.

Even the sky, with its insistent dark blanket of the night, seemed to still. The crickets and wind freezing under the pressure of the air between them. So thick that not even a knife could cut through it… but it didn’t seem angry, just.. Dense. Like whatever he said had made the air turn to ice, made Techno turn to stone…

In fact- As Tommy stole a quick desperate glance at him- the man had frozen himself. Eyes wide and shining, mouth left open a bit for the flies….

It makes Tommy wince, eyes flooding with tense tears as he shook softly. His shoulders crowded together, back hunched up lower than ever as he took in a ragged breath. Every muscle and bone in his body telling him to run- begging him to dart away while the other was shocked. Who knew what would happen next-

Then- “What.” 

It was heartbroken, a desperate feeble attempt at a word. Each vowel broken by unsung tears and crackled with pain and fear. It was like Tommy could hear his older brother’s very bones break under the pressure of it.

Hesitantly looking over in a slow arch Tommy let out a breathless rush of air. Eyes widening softly at the crumpled body of his brother. Swallowing Tommy looked away, heart clenching tightly, and took a deep breath. “Be- Before he died-” He can’t help but shudder at the word, tears rolling out of his eyes, “Before he died he told me to tell you that he- That he forgives you.”

Tommy winces at the crack in his voice, voice trembling with each breath. Even his throat, which had been so full of water was now as dry as the deserts he grew up in with his family.

“I-” Techno goes silent, voice filled with surprise, his body held upright and still like he was about to freak out. Head tilting desperately to the side to try and look closer at Tommy. “He- He said that?”

Tommy nods, eyes darting to him and the ground, uneasy and tense. “...He-” Tommy closes his eyes, letting out a shaky breath, “He knew that you would be beating yourself up about it, he knew a lot of things that I didn’t… He didn’t want you to blame yourself, because he just- He just didn’t care that yo-...”

Tommy shudders as his voice gives out mid-sentence. Voice trailing off quietly, hoping to all gods out there that whatever he had been trying to say got into the others head. He didn’t know if he could- if he could speak about this any longer, that he could keep on about this…

Looking back he sees Techno composed again. The only thing hinting at what he had been before was the soft shake in the other’s shoulders. His face was shadowed slightly, face blank. Did- Did he-

Swallowing again Tommy shakes his head, sitting up and turning slightly to face him better. “Tubbo didn’t care that you shot him Techno. He wanted you to know that he forgave you- that he- that he loves you-” 

The deep sob surprises Tommy so hard that it makes his freeze. Eyes widening he watches Techno’s shoulder hitch up tightly, hands clenching into the ground as his face bunched up. His pink hair fell from the messy bun on his head, framing the slick sides of his face as he sobbed dishearteningly.

Each gasp and pained groan that spilled from the other mouth made Tommy’s heart cripple, made his hands shake and twist in his jeans. Mortified at whatever he made, whatever covered feeling that he had shaken out of the other. Every bone in his body screamed at him to do something, but anytime he shifted to move he would plant himself back down. After all.. What could _he_ do.

“Tech- Techno?” He finally managed to get the words out, voice tight and high pitched as his own tears soaked into the tired pits of his eyes. Slow and cold like the air around them.

He watches as the other wipes his eyes, hands shaking so hard that he almost couldn’t move them. Then, with a spark of surprise building up in his gut, Techno looked dup and smiled warmly at him, “Fuck-” Tommy’s eyes widen as Techno leans forward, knees scrabbling over the bruised grass to gather him up in a hug. Tommy huffed breath going still in his chest as Techno shook into him, face burying itself into his hair, “Fuck Tommy, you have no idea how much this helps…”

Tommy blinks, body screaming, lungs hitching and yelling for air as Techno squeezed him up tightly. Not knowing what to do Tommy shook himself, panic scrawling into his bones, into his muscles. And then-

Then Tommy relaxed. Eyes softened as he closed them, leaning into the warm heat of his brother's body. He listened to the others rapid heart, hands slowly wrapping themselves around his abdomen, returning the tight squeeze with his own. Maybe- maybe this is what Tubbo felt when Tommy hugged him. Safe and… safe and content. Something that he hadn’t felt in a long, _long_ time.

He feels Techno quiet down a bit, breath rumbling softly in his chest. The other was still holding him, warm arms blocking out the now biting wind, but… more gentle. It reminded him of a younger time… a time when Wilbur and Techno would spare. A time when Phil would read to him quietly while he slept in his lap, quiet hums whispering words into his hair. A time when his family was still sane and still safe. When he didn’t hate half of them..

...maybe he didn’t hate half of them. Maybe he just thought he did, just… was frustrated and afraid. Blinking tiredly Tommy hummed slightly himself, eyes dipping as Techno took some of his weight..

“Oh Shit-” Tommy’s head swung up, eyes widening as he found himself waking from a light sleep. Tensing up he feels Techno chuckle slightly, cheerful rumblings traveling into his chest. Looking over his shoulder with an embarrassed flush at being caught sleeping in his older brother's lap like a toddler he spots Philza rushing towards them. “Boys! You better not be trying to kill each other!”

Following him, and more importantly _staring_ at him, Wilbur, Eret, and Quackity came fumbling out with surprised stares. Wilbur looked guilt ridden and Quackity was laughing loudly but overall they seemed to be fine.

Tommy grumbles, hands fumbling at Phil sweeped them both into a tight hug himself. He hears Techno grunt, a snort falling from his mouth as Phil sweeped a concerned hand over his face. Tommy wished in that moment that he could detach himself from the other, desperately fumbling as Phil switched to scan him over next with prodding hands and fingers. Some that _hit_ sore spots and nerves that didn’t need to be touched.

Tommy lets out a relieved sigh when Philza finally leans back, relaxing a bit as Techno draws away slightly. Only to jump when Phil gasped and made a weird sound in his throat. “Wait!” Phil looked between the two of them with wide eyes. One of his eyebrows were arched up in a surprised, but amused, question. “Why the fuck is Tommy wet- and Techno why are you crying!?”

At the high pitched question something warm and happy uncurls in his chest, blooming fully as he looked between them. Happy little chuckles fell from his lips like the water he had spit out just minutes before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yee, Sleepyboi inc going to be a family again. Although Wilbur is just a little bit insane but oh well.


	3. let's try

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof, here I am! Sorry if its a bit sketchy, I barely reread this thing.

When Tommy wakes up he’s on his side surrounded by his brothers and contained in their arms. Soft snores and little snorts filled the morning air quietly. 

A soft murmur of his own breath whispered to his content mind as the light of the new day swept over them in golden rays. Wilbur’s black hair was tossed haphazardly to the side, puffy and full of static. Techno’s own silent form was curled up behind him, one arm tossed over both of them and resting on a pillow behind Wilbur lazily. His scared fingers twitching gently in his dreams. Wilbur was closer, hands clutching the shirt Tommy had borrowed from Philza gently. 

Shifting onto his back with a sigh, Tommy blinked, eyes wincing from the glare that spread across his face and made a grumble in his throat.

It had to be at least 6 by now, the latest he’s slept in for a while now. Tommy would still be a sleep if it weren’t for the groaning his stomach was giving him. It was probably because he hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning. He had been too focused on everything to eat the snacks left out at the party, and now he had to pay for it. 

His restless limbs were screaming at him to move out of the cover and get on with the day anyways. 

Frowning Tommy let out a yawn and shifted to sit up, ignoring the huff Techno gave him when he bumped into the arm thrown over the two of them. Wilbur shifted a little, hands tugging softly at his side to try and pull him back down. He eventually gave up a few seconds later when it did nothing, instead he rolled over to face the wall again. Surprising given how stubborn he was about having Tommy sleep with the two of them. Something about hypothermia and freezing to death after falling into a pond when it was only 15 degrees outside…. Celsius.

Tommy thought that it was just an excuse though. Some way to get him to spend more time with them. Not that he blames them. Tommy had been half ready to run home and escape the awful party that he had had, but he was glad that he stayed. Even if it was just to watch Techno and Wilbur joke with Phil and Ranboo.

It wasn’t all bad after all. Hell, Tommy had the time of his life beating Quackity in Mario Kart  _ and _ he thinks he made a new friend in Ranboo and Puffy, even if it was a little tense with the latter of the two.

Listening to his stomach growl yet again Tommy shook his head. Taking a deep breath he almost drools over the smell of sausage and pancakes down stairs. If he listens close enough Tommy could even hear the sizzle of grease and the crack of eggs.

It makes his stomach knot up painfully, growling even lower at the thought of fresh tasty breakfast. Swallowing Tommy tries scooting to the bottom of the bed, half avoiding, half smashing through Techno's arm to get off the bed. It goes pliantly, only a soft growl from said man in protest before Tommy’s falling off the bed. 

Feet tangling with the messy bed sheets and blankets his eyes widen as he lands next to Phil on the ground. He barely wakes up, one eyes lifting to stare at him before he snorts in amusement and turns onto his other side. His fluffy wings curling around him like a blanket, black turning iridescent in the morning glow like a crows.

Tommy takes a moment to watch it, the rainbow effect still in his mind as he shakes his head again and picks himself back up.

They were in one of Eret’s guest rooms. People were sprawled out around him, curled up in their sleeping bags or blankets that Eret had set out for them. There were pieces of trash, old cups and bogs of treats, from the part laying between them. Overall it seemed like some kind of weird obstacle that Tommy had found himself in.

Every step was like a death trap. Feet crunching on old wrappers and stepping way too close to other people's heads. He swears he actually _ stepped _ on Bad once. He had turned, expecting the other to cuss him out and lecture him, but instead he just grumbled quietly into Skeppy’s side before he drifted back to sleep. Maybe.. Tommy didn’t weigh as much as he used to? Or maybe he just wasn’t as heavy as he thought he was....

Either way Tommy had arrived into the hallway to find yet another series of obstacle courses and drunk people layer across the floor.

At one point, when stepping over Quackity and Karl’s form curled into the corners of one of the hallways going towards the stair he looked out the window. He had barely looked out of them before, too interested in the others and what they were doing.

But there, sitting under the rising sun of the concrete patio was Tubbo. His still ghostly form fizzing slightly under the rays, each flickering movement telling Tommy of the grief his friend was under. He hadn’t seen them since… since the fight. Not even when Tommy had waited and called to him for half an hour when the others had taken turns showering and getting ready for bed. He was just… abandoned…

Tommy frowned, hand scratching against his arm softly. Turmoil wrapped itself through his head. He should be angry, should be pissed off about what Tubbo did- how he… Tommy shook his head. But he didn’t want to be. So many problems, so much hate and fear, were caused by his anger. All he wanted to do was make him happy. He just wanted to make sure his bestfriends was okay.

They needed to talk.

Stepping over Dream, who was blearily staring up at the ceiling like he didn’t know where he was, Tommy let his feet padd down the stairs. Each dull thunk echoing in his cloudy head, the warm smell and sounds of cooking food swimming through his brain, though his foggy thoughts of friends and death.

Rounding the corner Tommy expects to find himself at the back door, ready to face whatever he needed to with Tubbo, but instead he finds that his feet take him towards the kitchen. Following his nose he turns to find Eret standing in front of the stove. He was wearing that weird apron of his again, bright bubblegum pink and frilly, spotted with black and white spheres. It probably had something about him being a king on the front of it too.

He was stirring something, the sizzling sound echoing throughout the room loudly. It was nothing compared to the sweet enduring smell of pancakes and waffles, which were piled up in towers beside him on the counter. If he looked close enough too he could see Sausages and eggs too, glistening with grease and oil. The  _ good _ kind of eggs.

Mouth watering Tommy couldn’t help but take a step forward, only to jolt when he steps on a paper cup making a sharp crinkling sound. Hunching into himself Tommy tensed, waiting for Eret to swing back and yell at him.

“Oh!” He’s chuckling light hearted and surprised, swaying slightly to look behind himself. Blinking carefully Tommy looked up, only to make a sound of surprise himself when he saw the others white eyes. He didn’t have his glasses on. “Tommy. I didn’t expect anyone to be up for another two or three hours. What are you doing up so early?”

He can’t help but frown, mouth twisting unevenly as he shifted his weight onto one foot. Eret barely even blinked, just moved to scoop up some eggs and toss them onto a plate beside him before turning off the stove and facing Tommy completely.

“I- uh…”

Should he even tell him?

What would he even say,  _ ‘Oh, sorry you highness, I got hungry and decided to raid whoever was cooking food _ .’

It’s not like Eret would feed him… would he?

Tommy’s been a nuisance to him for, well, forever. Ever since he joined the revolution he’s been getting on the man's nerves and practically making his life hell. They’ve never really gotten along, geven before he became a _ traitor _ . Not to mention he had tried stealing from him just last night…. and ruined his pond.

He would definitely refuse to feed him. Especially without Phil or Wilbur here to glare at him… so there really wasn’t a point to telling him….

“You okay?” Tommy took a sharp breath of air, head raising to meet Eret’s concerned frown. He was taking off his apron, already folding it up and placing it on the counter beside the food.

“Uh, Yeah!” Shuffling back he shakes his head, ignoring the soft crackle of old trash left scattered along the edge of the floor. “Of course, why wouldn’t I be!?”

Eret just sighs, giving him a tired smile. He doesn’t respond immediately, just looks away for a second to rub at his hair absently, “Well.. you did fall into my pond yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah.” Tommy pauses, mouth flattening as his voice lowered. 

Thinking back to it he really should have gotten sick. Cold water and Phil, angry words and brothers… all very  _ lovely, _ aren’t they. Especially since his ghostly friend left him behind with a murderer, not that he was that bad to be honest. Still, the implications of that sucked.

He had even had to change out of the _ only _ pair of clothes he brought. He took a glance down at Phil’s extra shirt, it was too big on him. Not in length wise, given the fact that Tommy was taller than him by almost 4 inches, but it was still big. He got his pants, or well,  _ shorts  _ from Wilbur. He was appalled when they realized that Tommy hadn’t brought his swim suit for the outing today.

He’s interrupted from his thought process when Eret snorts, the tiny sound loud and obnoxious in the air. Tommy growls as the other shakes his head, amusedly so.

Was he really laughing! At a time like this, what the fuck-

Tommy blinks, tensing as Eret shifts to step forward and pulls out a chair from the island counter. He sits, ignoring the wild squeak it gave him, and gestured for Tommy to do the same with the chair on the other side. The same chair that he was sat on when Wilbur got angry… Tommy hesitates, eyes shifting wildly around the now colorful room.

“Come on. food isn’t done yet, but you can wait if you want. I don’t mind, it’s fun having friends over while I cook.” Eret encourages him, practically grinning up at him like he knew what he was thinking.

Then he pauses… Friends, really? Were they friends? Tommy frowned, after all he did  _ betray _ them at the worst moment he could… but so did Tommy. He practically betrayed Tubbo when everything was going down. Was he better that Eret for doing the same goddamn thing that he had done to them… He had betrayed everyone.

He continued betraying everyone by refusing to tell them what Tubbo wanted to say...

He really wasn’t a good friend was he...

Swallowing tightly Tommy tried to ignore the growing feeling of doubt and pain in his stomach. Stepping forward he pulled out a chair for himself as well, it didn’t squeak as bad as it did for Eret though, so that was a plus at least.

Tommy took a second to settle into the chair, and then forced himself to look up at Eret with a glare. It wasn’t his best one, he honestly doesn’t know if he could muster up enough anger for that, but he did his best to make it clear he wasn’t happy with what’s going on.

Eret just chuckles nervously back at him, glowing eyes darting away before he tilts his head softly. He waits for a second, fingers tapping across the counter rapidly, before he started another sentence, “So.. why are you up so early?” He chuckles lightly, head turning to face him completely with a mischievous smile, “You never used to.”

Raising an eyebrow at him for the smart mouth Tommy sighs deeply. Rolling his eyes he leaned forward into the counter.

Sleeping… was weird. For him at least.

He doesn’t know how the others were fairing with it. It looked like Wilbur and Techno were doing okay, Phil was awake when he had gotten up, but that was different. Sleeping, in all its glory, was… painful. It was the nightmares that made him stay up all night usually, the sickening fear of them becoming plastered to his head all night long. The awful sweat and tears that'd make him stay in the shower all morning long… they were bad, but it wasn’t the thing that usually made him get up so early in the morning.

It just… became a habit, he guessed.

“Uhmm… habit, maybe?” Tommy sighs when Eret raises an eyebrow, clear confusion distorting his face. Yeah… he would really know. He left before Wilbur started enforcing them to train. “Oh, uh, well when everything was going down Wilbur made me and Techno get up at the crack ass of dawn for training.”

Eret frowns at him, something soft and angry twitching in his eyes, but it was only there for a second. In the next it was gone, replaced by an uncomfortable silence that Tommy was sure that not even the  _ before him _ could break.

Coughing softly Tommy ignored the prickle of doubt in his head, eyes shifting desperately to the side to avoid the others gaze. “After I moved in with Phil I didn’t stop. I think it was because I had time away from them in the morning. None of them liked getting up that early...” 

He sees Eret shift in the corner of his view, glancing over at him he sees the other nod. A flash of understanding in his eyes greets him, pulling Tommy back to the real conversation and letting him relax a bit more into the chair. “Then I just.. never stopped.”

“Ah, okay.” Eret smile at him, words soft and understanding on his tongue. He leans back a little, eyes shifting to the busy counters behind him as if searching for something else to talk about. “That makes sense….”

Everything goes quiet… not the bad kind that Tommy dreads every day up in his house by Tubbo’s grave, but the soft kind. The one that reminds him of last night with Techno and the kind when Phil would read to him. He… didn’t know you could get this kind of feeling outside of family…. It’s almost unbearable actually, but Tommy holds onto it for another second. Mind relaxing with Eret's before he sees the other take a sharp breath of ari and stills.

“Are you okay?” The words are out of his mouth before he can catch them, making Tommy blush furiously and look away…

Except Eret doesn’t answer back.

Frowning Tommy looks back up, mortified with every movement, but lets the feeling fall out of his chest when he sees Eret's hurt face. Tilting his own head Tommy furrows his eyebrows in concentration.

What- What could be wrong with him? Was he hurt or something? Did he need him to get Philza? Phil would know what to do, he always patched Tommy up after he got hurt… so...

“Uh…” Tommy jolts when Eret speaks, watching the other bit at his lip nervously. He chuckles awkwardly, white eyes flashing with emotion so fast that Tommy can’t even begin to decipher. And then he’s looking away again.

“What?” Tommy raises his eyebrows defensively, crossing his arms against his chest like it could be his armor.

It makes Eret freeze, mouth twisting desperately before settling into a deep frown. He shrugs, voice coming out strained and low, “I- I don’t want to ask.”

Tommy huffs, the rush of air exiting his throat as fast as it came. He can feel a jolt of energy rush up his spine, frustration boiling in his stomach at the words. Who even does that!? Alludes to a question but doesn’t even ask!? That's just  _ Bull  _ shit!

“Well you have to now!” Tilting his head back as he let out a growl of frustration, practically flailing his hands around to emphasize his point. “You’re the one that fucking started it, finish it!”

Eret lets out soft laughs, meek and tired, at the moment. He rolls his eyes slightly, putting off more of a show than actually meaning it. Then he goes still… he looks to the counter, eyes round and terrified as he grips the edge hard. “I- I heard what you said to Techno…”

Wha-

Oh, god- Oh fuck!

What- What did he see!? Did he see Tubbo and him fighting, did he see nothing!? Wha- This isn't good, this was fucking disastrous!

Freezing Tommy tries to speak, only getting out a soft squeak in reply. Swallowing he tries again, only to be quickly cut off by Eret, “I-”

“I heard what you said about Tubbo and forgiveness.. Then I went to get Philza.” Eret's put up a hand, stopping Tommy from speaking. Swallowing hard he can’t help but shift nervously, eyes widening by the second as Eret continued on nervously, “Was- Was it true?”

Was what true!?

...was… oh.

Oh, he wanted to know if what Tubbo said was true.

That’s relieving. It meant that Eret probably hadn’t seen the fight, that he was more concerned with Techno’s side then the fact that he was talking to Tubbo’s invisible ghost. That was- That was good, really good.

Letting out a relieved sigh Tommy chuckled nervously. Hands stilling in his lap as he hunched over into himself. “Well… yeah.” Frowning Tommy blinked tiredly, half wishing he had just stayed in bed. It was a relief that he hadn’t seen Tubbo, but… still, it was a private conversation. “Tubbo said that to me.”

He sees Eret pause, body shifting nervously, almost  _ hopefully _ . His face was full of it, all soft and fragile like all it would take was one word to make it all crumply and go to hell. “Wh-” He starts, but then pauses with a hurt frown, “sorry to ask, but uh…” He looked up fast, eyes narrowing as he looked at Tommy pleadingly, “What else did he say?”

Blinking Tommy snorted.

What? Didn’t he say that he  _ heard _ them? He would have known what Tubbo had said, he didn’t need to repeat what he said. Looking up to say as much Tommy stopped. There, almost crumpled into a pile was Eret staring up at him pleadingly… Then the realization hit him. He wasn’t asking what Tubbo said about Techno, he wanted to know what Tubbo thought of him.

Right?

Tommy swallowed hard, eyes sliding to his lap.

_ Was _ that what he wanted?

Maybe he just wants to know what Tubbo had said to Tommy, or maybe to someone else. That could be it too. Everyone was looking for comfort, whether it was for them or for someone else, it didn’t matter. Maybe he was concerned what Tubbo had thought about Phil, or maybe Niki... 

“What do you mean?” Tommy swallowed the words, heart clenching tiredly in his chest as Eret shifted uncomfortably. God, why couldn’t they have done this later, like in a couple of  _ hours _ . Or maybe never, that would be good too. “Like.. what were his last words?”

He’s about to repeat them, head dizzy with the memory, but then Eret’s shaking his head furiously, almost frantically. “N- No!!” He sighs tiredly, voice rushed and frustrated. Tommy can practically feel the nerves flooding and poring off his entire body. “Like- Like did he say anything about _ me? _ ”

Tommy frowned. Yeah, okay that’ what he thought,

Pausing for a second Tommy looked toward the window behind the sink. Dawning light shifted through the curtains, blocking Eret's form with a deep shadow. Eyes shifting down he sees the steel in Eret's limbs, the painful curl of his fingers pressed into a fist. Everything about him looked on edge, painfully tight and uncomfortable. If he looks close enough he could see the bags pressed under his eye lids, something he hadn’t seen before.

Letting out a tired breath Tommy shakes his head, mind screaming indignantly. God, just- just how many people did Tubbo’s death affect! How many of his old friends were still stuck up regrets, how many of them were still concerned that Tubbo had hated them!

...and just how many did he condemn to this fucked up existence by not letting Tubbo make amends with them…

Shaking his head sadly Tommy let the disgust at himself run into his hands. Pulling at his shirt Tommy nodded sourly.

They had, him and Tubbo had. They had talked about what Eret was to them, what he had done to them when everything was going to shit. They had talked about all day, sometimes throwing fits and arguing with each other about it like children… but… Tommy knew how Tubbo had felt about Eret. He hadn’t forgiven the other, definitely not, but h had still wanted them to become friends again. He had loved Eret, loved hanging out with him and being friends with him… but he just never really got the chance again.

Tommy had refused, of course. He could exactly see over his own head at times… maybe it was time to change that too.

Looking up softly, Tommy nodded again, watching Eret's face flip between emotions like he was trying to find something to watch on TV. Practically hanging off of every word and action he made. The hope there, buried in those bright eyes of his, burned Tommy with ever twitch and flicker. He could see something like dread and fear swimming in them, drowned out by all the eagerness.

“Yeah.. he told us to take you in.” Eret blinks in surprise, eyebrows furrowing slightly as Tommy paused to swallow down his regret. “He told me and Wilbur that he didn’t think you were going to betray us like before-” Tommy ignored the hitch in the others breath to continue his statement, “- He thought that you would be good for us… and he was probably right…”

Tommy goes silent, letting the words fold over Eret. He can’t help but rub the back of his head, eyes lidding themselves as he stared at the marled counter. He hears Eret let out a sigh, loud and relieved, but doesn’t dare look back up.

It’s relieving for himself too, actually. Tommy thought I'd make something ugly go off in his stomach. Something gross and unnerving that would feel his very being until he was dead and gone just like his friend. But, it’s not. It’s nice, not fun or deeply fulfilling, but still nice nonetheless.

Looking up softly Tommy meets Eret's gaze. He wasn’t actually looking at him, just mindlessly drifting off somewhere in his head. He can still see some doubt there, but it had been overshadowed by the pure relief and hope glowing in his eyes. Literally, his eyes were glowing  _ a lot. _

Smiling slightly Tommy, chuckled, eyes crinkling at the stupid look on the other’s face. Eret barely blinks at him, a soft chuckle falling from his lips too as he leaned back in the chair to shake off whatever stupier he had been in.

“I didn’t believe him-” Tommy barely manages to get it out, heart clenching when Eret's face drops again. His mouths automatically follow it up, words light and tense at the same time. “- But now I do. You wouldn’t make breakfast for us after I tried stealing your potions and broke your pond after all.”

Eret blinks at him and then gives him a look, eyes rolling as he snorts out a little laugh. “You didn’t break my pond, just made a mess.” He snickers, eyes filling back up with warmth as he eyed Tommy like he was being ridiculous. He's shooing him away with his hands, legs already pulling themselves up to look back at the stove. “Alright go get ready. I’m going to call everyone down when you get back. We have to head off early if we want to get to the lake in time.”

Tommy snorts, pushing himself back up to his feet with a squeak of his chair. He doesn’t bother pushing it in, just avoids Eret's amused glare as he dances back toward the hallway. He still needs to go and do something before he gets ready….

Stopping by the backdoor Tommy almost runs straight into it. He gazes out at the lawn through the tiny window, sun glaring down at it through. Sitting, just below the door, was Tubbo. He was practically curled up, head stuffed into his knees as his arms hugged himself tightly. Every ounce of his body crying with pain and fear.

A sick feeling curled back into his chest. God… what has he done. He really is a terrible, terrible friend.

Growing Tommy takes one last glance back at Eret, finding him pulling open the oven and taking a tray of what looked to be bacon and hashbrowns. He barely gets a glance at his face, but immediately Tommy knew that he was happy. He had a smile, eyes crinkled happily down at the food. There was practically new found energy rushing through his body.

It made him smile a little, heart blooming yet again as he took a breath and stepped towards the back door to pull it open with a soft creak.

One conversation done, now here’s for the next-

* * *

Outside was cold, very cold.

Just like before, except without all the water.

He takes a second just to breathe in the air, the coldness wrapping around his lungs and making his breath come out foggy. He glances down a second later, eyes trailing over his best friend's shivering body.

..Can he feel the cold? Tommy doesn’t know. He'll have to ask later.

Shuffling against the porch Tommy moves to sit beside him, hesitantly looking towards him when Tubbo doesn’t say anything. His ghostly form doesn’t move beside the occasional flicker and soft creak of his breath. The dull morning light filtered through him, body glowing with the rays. It warmed him…. maybe it was the thing that was keeping Tubbo warm.

It was too cold to be out here for… however long he’d been sitting there.

Tommy winces when Tubbo let out a sudden sob, tears filling his eyes as he shifts his head to look away quickly. Frowning softly, Tommy raised his hand, arching his fingers against the others back in comfort. Dragging slow circles there like it'd suck out all the pain and discomfort from his body. His other hands were clenched against this side, concern warping his mind for a second.

It’s silent.

Silent, like there wasn’t sound in the world, kind of silent.

“...I-'' Tommy frowns when Tubbo swallows, voice heavy and harsh like he had been crying. His head tilted to look up at him, tears bubbling out of his eyes and dropping to the ground almost immediately from the angle. “I’m sorry…”

Tommy furrowed his brow, head tilting forward to look away from his form, each wave of light making it sparkle and dissolve into nothingness. It was almost like he wasn’t there, like he wasn’t real for a second…. But then he’s back, form flickers softly as he cries harshly into his knees. 

“Not your fault.” Shaking his head silently, Tommy winced at the sound of his own voice. Way too loud for the situation. “You didn’t do anything wrong, just…”

Tubbo frown, eyebrows furrowed as his lips twitched from another tear that trailed down his cheeks, “I- I got angry. I shouldn’t have-” He winces, head pulling up with glare as he gestured out into the empty air, “I  _ pushed _ you into a pond and you- you  _ freaked out _ , Tommy. You panicked and I  _ hurt _ you-”

Sighing Tommy shook his head quickly, accidentally gripping his shoulder harshly as he let the words fall out of his mouth desperately. “You were right.”

He feels Tubbo pause, shoulder hitching with silent breath. Tommy can’t see his expression until he turns, eyes wide and still glazed over. He looked surprised, almost relieved, but also shaken by it. A sudden ache stung its way into his chest. Feeling his own eyes burn Tommy looked away, relaxing his hand so that it would fall to the smooth concrete below them.

“You were right..” Biting his lip Tommy shook his head again, hollow chest echoing his words. His eyes automatically closed, trying to keep himself from crying. It was ridiculous, he never cried before. Why was he  _ now _ . He was such a goddamn cry baby, this wasn’t even  _ about  _ him. “I was being stupid, _ okay!? _ ”

Opening his eyes with a sniff Tommy manages to catch Tubbo smiling, face breaking out into a shiny laugh as he shook his own head tightly, “So- So you’ll tell them, tell them that I- I forgive Techno and- and-”

Letting out a huff of amusement Tommy nods slowly, rubbing at his eyes tiredly as Tubbo trailed off, watching him closely. “Already have, big man.”

“Wait!” Tubbo pauses, eyes gleaming as he bounced in excitement. The smile on his face grew even more as he jittered and turned to face Tommy even more. “Really!?”

“Hell, yeah!” Tommy smirked, using one of his hands he pushed the other over in excitement. His hands don't automatically touch him, it phases through his shoulder a bit, but eventually reacts to his ghostly form and manages to knock him to the side. Tubbo lets out a squeak of surprise, grinning as he chuckled a bit. “What- You think I  _ wanted  _ to talk to them more.” He brushed it off sarcastically, watching Tubbo laugh more, “I wanted to get it over with, so yeah I told them.”

Tubbo’s smile softens, eyes glowing with relief as he resettles on to the step. Tommy lets his chest fill with the warmth from it, heady with the relief and contentness there. His own shoulders relaxed as he gave the other his best smile too.

Looking away Tommy grins. He can feel Tubbo doing the same, both watching the garden in a warm silence. Some butterflies flickered over them, dancing across colorful flowers and drinking from the pond. Tommy was pretty sure he could even see a frog sitting on one of the stones by the cattails.

“Oh, yeah, “ Tommy perks up, immediately moving to face Tubbo as his brain reminded him of a conversation, “I told Eret that you didn’t care about him abandoning us either.”

Tubbo doesn’t react immediately, face going blank for a second. Something nervous and awkward filled his skin, worried he said something wrong, but then Tubbo before he erupted into a cheer. He gestures excitedly to the side, voice happy and light as he laughs at Tommy. Then after a second he pauses again, face breaking out into a weird smile as he gave Tommy a look. 

Crossing his arms Tubbo pouts up at him, “He didn’t betray us Tommy!”

Grinning Tommy lets out a large chuckle, avoiding Tubbo's eyes as he turns to get up and smirk down at him, “Oh, really!?” He sees Tubbo rushing to his feet with a huff before he turns towards the door. He really needed to wash his face. “Then how would you explain what happened Big T!?”

Laughing a little he opened the door, vaguely listening to Tubbo rant on and on to him about the past as he walked down the hallway towards the bathroom. Eyes crinkling happily he ignores the weird look Phil gives him as he rushes up the stairs, avoiding Tubbo’s angry call for ignoring him.

Maybe it would be okay. After all Tubbo’s finally gotten what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Hears the crack of a door*
> 
> Eret: Sees Tommy going outside and automatically leans out the window to see what he was doing- “Wha- What is he doing?”
> 
> Tommy starts pushing at nothing and talking to himself
> 
> Eret: Wtf… oh, well, not really his business anyways.
> 
> -
> 
> So this is where I don't really know how to continue this fic. I know what I want to do, but to how to get there. I have scenes planned out, but no in-between. I want some Niki, Ranboo, and Puffy interactions, but I don't know what else. if you have an ideas I'd love to here them.
> 
> For now though, I might take a break. I have another fic I want to do so I'm going to write on that for awhile.
> 
> Thank you for reading so far <3

**Author's Note:**

> So... is Tubbo a ghost or is he a figment of Tommy's imagination?
> 
> If you like this then please consider leaving a kudo or comment, they really make my day happy! I hope you enjoyed!


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